Lies Told On A Recent First Date
By
October 12, 2016

Julio gave me tickets to this Tame Impala concert for free!

Six feet tall.

Scrolled through my phone book, saw your name and thought, “Oh yeah! Maybe Christine likes Tame Impala.” But, yeah, I asked a few other friends first.

Most weekends? Volunteering at this soup kitchen in the East Village.

I had no idea the cheapest tickets were going for $145 on StubHub before fees. I would never spend that much money on a concert. Ridiculous.

$300 before fees for tickets to Tame Impala? Who in their right mind would pay to bring someone they barely know to such an expensive concert? I barely know any of their music.

Sure, I’ll wait for you in the lobby. Missing the first song doesn’t bother me at all.

It’s okay. I’m glad you finally made some time to call your estranged brother. I barely noticed you were gone.

No, I was only offering to be polite. I don’t even like drinking – makes it harder to get up in the morning to train for the big race.

Health is essential, so at least four times a week.

I agree – this song is really bad. We should probably go back into the lobby so we can hear each other better.

Yes, a marathon – I just think it’s funny to call it the big race.

I actually assumed this was a friend-thing, not romantic at all. I never even considered that this could be a date.

Luckily, I set a reminder on my phone – I almost forgot this was tonight, too.

My salary allows me to do these kinds of things most nights of the week. This isn’t really a special occasion for me

Honestly, I figured you had a boyfriend.

No, I don’t care if we leave early because of how free the tickets were.

We should absolutely do this again.

Text me after and I’ll send you my username and password. 

 

 
 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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