Hey everyone. I know this site is, like, all these great jokes and cartoons and stuff, so I’m sorry that I’m posting something promotional, but I just wanted to make a quick post to bring some awareness to a business that means a lot to me. My favorite dive bar, McGallagher’s, is going under. Always light on patronage, the owners of McGallagher’s–Irma and Hank McGallagher–have decided they can’t stay profitable in a continually gentrifying neighborhood. It’s hard to blame them. A new establishment, The Hiding Hobo: A Fundamentalist Artisan Craft Ale and Charcuterie Garrison, will be moving into the space four weeks from today, but before that happens, Irma and Hank are keeping McGallagher’s open with a special happy hour menu to celebrate. I’m posting the new Goin’ Outta Business! Happy Hour Menu to encourage everyone to go down to the bar, have a few drinks, and hopefully give Irma and Hank a nice little send off after twenty years of business.

And who knows, maybe the new place will be fun too. I’ve heard they’re getting rid of the old juke box and replacing it with an even older model juke box renovated to connect to your friend Hayden’s iPad.

McGallagher’s “Special” ‘Goin’ Outta’ Business!’ Happy Hour Menu

Domestic Beer

Bud Light Bottle  – $2.00

Budweiser Bottle – $2.75

Miller, Bud, Bud Light (cans) – $1.75

Bud Light Lime – $3.50

Bud Light Milk – $3.75

Bud Light Fear – $5.50

Bud Light Fear (bottle) – $8.50

Bud Light Fear (bottle with nipple) – $8.75

Bud Light Passive Aggressive – $ However much you think it’s worth

Bud Light Freudian Slip – $69

MGD, PBR, Miller Lite, and Bud Light Gary (bottle) – $3.50

Imported Beer

Stella Artois – $4.50

Amstel Amber – $4.75

Amstel Denise – $3.50

Sapporo (Japan) – $5.50

Schneider Weisse (Germany) – $5.50

Von Crumpus (Romania??) – $ Some Blood

Bucket Deals

Corona – 12 for $20

Miller Lite – 71 for $68

Bud Light Lemon Clamargarito – 1,128 for $467

Panini Bucket – 4 for $4.10


All Martinis – $14

All Wells – $13.99

Find a Daiquiri, you keep it.

Buy a Daiquiri, you have to hide it.

Bottle Service – Stop it.


Pepsi – Free

Coke – $1000.00

Sprite – Free, but are you sure?

Virgin Daiquiri – Haha you’re a virgin.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!