Memo to City Employees
By
August 19, 2014

MEMO

To: City Employees
From: Jim Daniels, Department of City Planning
Date: August 19, 2014
Subject: Overly casual behavior of city employees

It has come to my attention that things are getting way too casual in this city, particularly in regard to certain individuals’ interactions with unemployed citizens. Overly casual interactions may lead to negative effects on the overall behavioral health of our city employers and employees. Below is a transcript from the Department of Behavioral Health’s Secret Observer Report. Please read the transcript carefully, and note that the city employee involved in the exchange is currently under investigation for acting way too casual during her lunch break. Spontaneity has a time and place, so let’s make a goal this quarter to be less casual and more business casual.

PARK REPORT: SECTION II, TRANSCRIPT
FILED TUESDAY, AUGUST 12, 2014

EXT. PARK – BENCH

CITY EMPLOYEE nibbles on a sandwich.

UNEMPLOYED CITIZEN approaches City Employee.

UNEMPLOYED CITIZEN
Would you like to donate a dollar to the Unemployed Citizens Fund?

City Employee gives Unemployed Citizen a dollar.

UNEMPLOYED CITIZEN (CONT’D)
That makes twenty. Where we going?

CITY EMPLOYEE
I’m kind of in the mood for Chinese.

UNEMPLOYED CITIZEN
Let’s go!

City Employee tosses her sandwich into the adjacent garbage can, slings her purse over her shoulder, and walks away with the Unemployed Citizen.

END OF TRANSCRIPT.

Recent findings conclude that when city employees engage in activities deemed way too casual during the work week, weekend performance and productivity increases by 30%. As a result, weekday performance and productivity decreases by 30%. If the city is to see better days ahead, it is important that its employees place emphasis on weekday performance and productivity in order to achieve casual balance. If anyone witnesses an employee or employer engaging in activities that may be considered way too casual, please notify the Department of Behavioral Health immediately so that they may send a Secret Observer to the incident site to file a report. Thank you for your cooperation.

 

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