In the world of Dungeons & Dragons, the Monster Manual acts as a guide to the creatures players may encounter over the course of their adventures.

How helpful would it be to know the Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma of everything we encounter in our realm? Here are three entries from my gymnasium’s bestiary:


Parking garages around the gym are crafted with potent magic to be as expensive and inconvenient as possible. Woe to the adventurer who visits during peak hours.

Regional Effects

The region surrounding a parking garage is warped by the creature’s unnatural presence, creating any of the following effects:

–       There’s a noticeable increase in the population of 15 MINUTE ONLY parking meters.

–       No matter when a living creature tries to visit the gym, it is always street cleaning day.

–       The nightclub across the street is hosting an event 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

If the parking garage is destroyed, these effects end after 2d6 days.


Living creatures remind the stair machine that life is beyond its grasp. Cursed to be functionally similar to an escalator, yet despised for the pain it engenders, stair machines delight in the Sisyphean trap they lay for the unsuspecting adventurer.


A personal trainers act out the will of its client. Its sublime beauty and presence can drive awestruck onlookers to attempt feats for which they are ill prepared.

Immortal Nature. A personal trainer does not require rest.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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