My Best Invention Yet (Until the Next One)
By
July 13, 2016

Are you starting to see someone, and you think you might be ready to *gulp* take it to the next level? I don’t mean make it official – no one does that anymore. I mean that you’re ready to have sex without a condom*, but you want to make sure you’re being safe about it. That’s where this, my best invention yet, comes in:

new relationship salon 2

*my agent** told me that if I had any hope of selling this idea, I had to refrain from using the term “rawdog.”

At a salon called New Relationship?, you can expect services tailored to your new… whatever you guys are doing. You don’t have to label it. Here, distract yourself from the ambiguity of your sex life by looking at the graphic I made!

services-no deluxe brazilian

**I don’t have an agent.

And with all of the buzz surrounding Brazil’s current health crisis, why not partake in our *special* Brazilian wax? Once your waxer finishes ripping out all of your hair and drawing at least three vials of your blood, he or she will apply this adorable rhinestone decal to your kitty:

deluxe brazilian

If you feel weird reading this, remember that I edited this picture at my local Starbucks. Then I got kicked out of that local Starbucks, so I finished editing at a less local, but still pretty local Starbucks.

Invest in this salon! Get me off of unemployment! If you can’t give us money, at least give us a better slogan. So far my think tank* has just come up with this:

New Relationship?: We Always Text You Back (to Confirm an Appointment)

*recent photo of me and my think tank:

12994292_10209160872807816_2083803705646853673_n

 
 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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