The following is a list of anything and everything I’d want to be part of my perfect fall day:

A cozy wool scarf.

Warming my hands on a hot cup of spiced chai.

Watching the sun set through a crack in the blinds.

Homemade pumpkin pie. With homemade crust (it’s worth the effort!)

The crackle of logs on the fire.

The slamming of boards over my windows.

Curling up with a warm blanket and my favorite Sue Grafton novel.

A beautiful fall wreath hung on my door to hide the deadbolts.

Carving pumpkins.

Cutting phone lines.

Big piles of leaves on my lawn.

Smaller piles of sports equipment children have lost over my fence because I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna let them into my sanctuary.

Snuggling with one of the many cats that truly know me.

Festively stacking hundreds of treasured newspapers in my closet, hallway, living room, kitchen, attic and bedroom.

Sending holiday cards to family and friends with personalized messages like, “Seasons greetings,” or, “DO NOT TRY TO FIND ME.”

Looking in the mirror and wondering how anyone could ever love the beast I have always been.



The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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