Bartleby the Scrivener: A Story of Wall Street by Herman Melville

Novella about a man who gets to leave the house every day, interact with people, and do a job where he is acknowledged for his contribution to society in the form of being paid actual money, and still he would “prefer not to.” I do not understand this book.

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin

Feel-good story about a new mom with a whole network of friends who want to help out.

Sleeping Through the Night: How Infants, Toddlers, and Their Parents Can Get a Good Night’s Sleep by Jodi A. Mindell, PhD

An engaging blend of satire and magical realism, but ultimately I found myself unable to suspend disbelief.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

God, I miss alcohol.

Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence

God, I miss sex.

The Portable Dorothy Parker by Marion Meade, ed.

God, I miss alcohol.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

I wonder how Bertha felt as she was burning down the house? I bet she felt in control. I bet she felt alive. Sometimes I think about setting a small fire, just so I can have some adult human contact when the authorities arrive. Other times I think about setting a large fire.

Frankenstein: The Modern Prometheus by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

A man creates sentient life and promptly leaves it to wreak havoc on its own. Dads, amirite? LOL.

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Reading this novel now makes me think of all the truly frightening people there are in the world, like whoever the creep was at Vanity Fairwho called it “the only convincing love story of the century.” I’m just going to bookmark the sex offender registry website now and keep refreshing it every three seconds for the rest of my life.

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

Christ, one day I’ll have a teenager who does stupid shit like this.

The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

Christ, one day I’ll have a teenager who thinks this is the deepest book ever written.

The Yellow Wallpaper and Other Stories by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

I don’t care how ugly the wallpaper was—that bitch got to sleep all day.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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