Notable Historical Quotes After Advertisers Get a Time Machine
March 30, 2015


Hammurabi, approximately 1754 BC: “Do you have a dry, irritated eye for a dry, irritated eye? Change that to just an eye for an eye.  Visine… get the red out.”  

Socrates, 400’s BC: “The unexamined life is not worth living. Live Mas at Taco Bell.  [bell sound].”
Patrick Henry, 1775: (singing) “Gimme a liberty or gimme a death. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar.”

General Robert E. Lee, 1861: “I cannot turn my back on Virginia, and neither should you. Visit for more information about your next trip to this great state, where Virginia is for lovers.”

Neil Armstrong, 1969: “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. I meant ‘one small step for a human, one giant leap for humankind.’ Sexism and prejudice affects us all. Visit for more about what you can do to combat it.”

Nelson Mandela, 1994: “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world. And, as Socrates said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living. Live Mas at Taco Bell. [bell sound].’”

President Papa John, 2025: “Better ingredients. Better pizza. Papa John’s.”


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please enjoy our jokes!


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