Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off to the play!

You spent a small fortune, you have tickets in hand. You know all of the lyrics, can recite on demand

But it’s not just the soundtrack, it’s the mixtape too, and the remix edition from Phillipa Soo

And don’t forget Twitter – there’s updates galore! From photos backstage to a bit from the score

For the true believers there’s the original book, a whole month of reading to finish it took

Oh the places you’ll go with your Hamilton obsession, but you’re just the latest in a long fan procession

And you won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.

Finally that hip hop will soon come in handy, your parents who scorned it now think that it’s dandy

They’ll want tickets too, they love Lin-Manuel! But In the Heights isn’t ringing a bell

For you’re an original, you saw this all coming, before Public Theater reviews were a-buzzing

But did you see it then? No, you big dork

You had long moved away from the city of New York

And once things caught on, well then you were a goner

Prices and lines for the tickets got longer

But now you’re off to great places, it’s your turn, it’s your day

To see this gosh darnit Hamilton play

And soon all that humming and singing will pay off

When you too can laud your status over those who have not

Because what good is Broadway without some cache?

For purity! For art!…is what they all say

But we know better, you sly silky fox

You scoff at the balcony seats, prefer seats in a box

Cuz Hamilton’s nothing if you’re not experiencing the best

Cuz you are the true believer, and they’re just the rest




The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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