Breakfast: Chamomile tea with a drop of honey produced by my pet bee, Larissa
Lunch: A handful of rice
Dinner: The promise of tomorrow (more…)
“Grandpa, you gotta check this out. I follow this cat, Tammy the Tabby, on Instagram. She’s the best! Aw, look, here’s a video of the kitty drinking milk. Adorable, right?”
“What’s Instagram? Oh…well, it’s an app where you can look at and post photos and videos. Everyone has a profile and you can check out their pictures and they can check yours out, too.”
“What’s an app? Jeez. Okay. It’s, well, it’s short for ‘application.’ Smartphones have a bunch of apps that serve various functions, such as Instagram, which as I said allows for you to share and look at pictures and videos, like from Tammy the Tabby’s life. This cat is seriously delightful!” (more…)
My daughter will have five graduations before she is deemed ready for college. Pre-K, K, Elementary, Middle, High School. That’s a lot of pomp and circumstance just so she’s ready to learn the word “heuristic” and be sexually disappointed by a lacrosse player.
That’s not the whole point, though. Let me jump right into the action.
There were three songs in my daughter’s Pre-K graduation ceremony and each kid got a solo. After the third song, the teacher crouch-walked across the stage to a pile of posters in front. Each kid rooted around for her poster as Shakira’s “Try Everything” came on. One by one in time with the music, the kids started showing the crowd their posters: Doctor. Engineer. Architect. Lawyer. Firefighter. Policeperson. I suddenly became very curious because I had no idea what my daughter had chosen. Obviously there were some career-readiness conversations happening in the homes of these other little fuckers. Curiosity turned to nerves as I watched Elizabeth lose focus and start whipping an imaginary hula hoop with her hips – her poster, a precariously-held afterthought, which I feared was about to fly off into the crowd. Eventually it was her turn and, to my surprise, she was ready. With a perfectly-choreographed circular twirl of her hips and shoulders, she flipped up her poster. A triumphant smile flashed across and then faded from her face as the crowd gasped. (more…)
Because then I’d have to really manage my money so much better and be investing and all that stuff.
Because I promise once I get even close to a billion, I’ll start to really give away a lot so I never really become a billionaire anyway.
Because it would mean I have to give away an awful lot and that gets really complicated when you have all that money. You don’t just run around giving it this money and stuff like it’s candy or something.
Because when you say ‘a billion dollars’ it almost sounds like some made-up word like ‘a bajillion’ … and that’s not even a number. (more…)