The Higgs Weldon
The Beginning is Nigh
By
November 9, 2017

I am floating in the void with a sign: The Beginning is Nigh! I would probably say that out loud, if there was anyone around to hear it. But there isn’t. So I stick with the sign. Still, I’m sure it’s coming. Something. I’ve had a series of prophetic migraines.

There is no one here to call me crazy or tell me not to loiter in front of their frozen yogurt stand. If there were, they would probably say, “What makes you think anything will change? Nothing ever has before.”

And I would tell them, “You didn’t even used to exist. Neither did my sign but I made my sign. I don’t know where you came from. I was all alone. And I didn’t have to deal with any edgelords back then.” (more…)

Scarlett O’Hara’s Lost Reviews of Antebellum Subscription Boxes
By
November 8, 2017

Gone With the Window Box: This is one of my favorite boxes. It features raw cotton creations by talented local artists. This month’s box included cotton crowns for my backyard statue of Robert E. Lee, a cotton centerpiece and lighted cotton swags I shall surely use for the upcoming ball. While the contents of this box are always surprising, I did find the quality a little lacking again this month. The quality of the cotton could bear with a little fancy work. Donates $.10 to the Kamelias of the Kotton Klan for every box sold.

Birthin’ Babies Box: While I am not personally expecting, I always enjoy getting this box in the mail and will pass it onto my house girl. This month’s box included a glass bottle, a charming “Wet Nurse” graphic apron, a cornhusk doll kit for the big sister and a Plantation Girl Girdle. Birthin’ Babies kindly spoiled the graphic apron, which made everyone at our needlepoint smile, but not lactate. (more…)

GoFundMe To Save My Daughter From The Snake Pit
By
November 7, 2017

Friends and family,

Thank you so much for taking the time to click the link you saw on my Facebook or if all goes as planned on local news and then national news platforms, possibly BuzzFeed, we are trying to go viral!

As you may have heard, my thickset four-year-old Greta has fallen into the snake pit that I dug in my backyard and subsequently filled with snakes, so please contribute to this GoFundMe so that we may rescue her promptly. There are many types of snakes in the pit, including copperheads, rattlers, and the very venomous python. I do not know much more about the snakes. There are many kinds, and on summer nights when you gaze into the pit whilst the sun descends beyond the horizon, they glow with brilliant colors. (more…)

Things That Should Learn English Or Leave This Country
By
November 6, 2017
 
Dogs
 
Cats
 
Siri
 
Autocorrect
 
Spanish Dictionary 
 
Mathematics
 
Stocks 
 
Storks

(more…)

Your Favorite, Adorable Showbiz Dogs Were All Probably Racist
Where Are They Now: Wilson The Volleyball From Castaway
Moments Where People Would Have Died If They Weren’t Saved By A Bear Attack
A Letter To The Woman In Whose Body I’ve Lived in For 38 Years, From Her Period
The Beginning is Nigh
Scarlett O’Hara’s Lost Reviews of Antebellum Subscription Boxes
GoFundMe To Save My Daughter From The Snake Pit
Things That Should Learn English Or Leave This Country
Maybe Another Time
Equifax FAQs
Gary’s Easy 10 Step Guide to Home Ownership for Women
Application by Pyongyang for the New Amazon Headquarters
It’s Not You, It’s Your Content
4 Fall Sweaters That Say: I Settled!
You Call This An Estate Sale and Yet You’re Not Even Dead

It’s me, a male photographer on Instagram. Please enjoy my groundbreaking series, Naked Thin White Women in Nature

Allegra Ringo
(@allegraringo)

“Maybe I’ll figure it out in my 40s.” -Me, one month into my 30s

Branden Kfoury
(@kfooury)

Whoever first said “there are no stupid questions” clearly never asked for fries in front of a drive-thru’s trash can.

Daniel Burns
(@atriflemanic)

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