In his first 100 days, Trump has launched an assault on the environment the likes of which we’ve never seen. He’s gutted the EPA, is considering backing out of the Paris Climate Accord and most tragically, slashed the budget for the National Parks. I believe it is of the utmost importance that we save our National Parks so that the next generation of Americans may enjoy the wonder of the great outdoors, and so that I can keep legally fucking in the woods.
Our National Parks cover some of the most beautiful land in our country and the world. I’m a great lover of the outdoors, and as such I’ve visited many National Parks with many different sexual partners. I’ve climbed mountains, swam under waterfalls, and enjoyed large amounts of gratifying lovemaking in the campgrounds of every park from the Grand Canyon to the Everglades. Without our parks system, I’m not sure I would’ve ever been able to witness such beauty — both natural and sexual. (more…)
“Thank you for calling Doctor Quacktor.
We are located somewhere in California.
Our office hours are 1 PM until 1:30 PM.
Please listen to these options:
If you have a broken leg, press 1.
If it is the femur, press 2.
If it is the fibula, press 3. (more…)
Einbildungsroman: a novel charting the development of a protagonist’s superiority complex
Madenfreude: the joy of sucking up fruit flies with a vacuum cleaner
Frisörleiden: the grief of an unflattering haircut
Zimmerpflanzensvernachlässigungschuld: the guilt of improper houseplant care
Ausladenfreude: the relief of cancelled social plans
Surrealpolitik: a system of politics based on a leader’s whims and tantrums rather than on ideas about what is morally right and wrong (more…)
Second 1: Ah, someone’s coming! Better hold the door open for them. It’s the right thing to do.
Second 2: Not enough people perform this simple act of kindness. Shame on them.
Second 3: People kinda just expect the door to be held for them, too.
Second 4: Things need to start changing in this world. People need to be nicer while also keeping their expectations low! (more…)