Afraid of losing Your Shit in these trying times?
We can’t all move to Canada, but you can still have the escape you crave!
Purchase a safe-zone, feel-good, targeted Comfort Container®
We design unique packages filled with items that soothe the soul, calm the crazy, and psilence the psyche.
The Bath Time Bliss Basket:
“Me-Time” privacy signage in attractive, calligraphic fonts, complete with graphic threats of violence
Assorted floral-scented, narcotic-infused sedation candles
Organic, edible Luffa hand-mitts
Over-sized, foam, noise-canceling ear muffs to tune out the needs of others, the cries of children, and “breaking news” updates
Detoxing, bovine-enhanced, gluten-free, hallucinogenic Scandinavian tree-bark facial mask
Waterproof erotic romance novels (more…)
Guys! Holy fucking shit, Peep this. Emma Stone’s nip.
It’s like the whole damn areola. Not that bullshit sideboob paparazzi stuff.
Come and get it, everyone. Drop whatever it is you’re doing and feast on this tit topper.
Wait, hold up. You over there, what the hell are you doing? Are you seriously trying to understand a house resolution while I’ve got what is almost definitely Emma Stone’s nipple just waiting to stare you in the face? You’ve got to be kidding me. House resolutions are confusing. You know what isn’t confusing? Celeb nudes. Sweet, sweet celeb nudes.
You’re gonna actually click on some shit that says something about defunding some other shit when I’ve got some choice snaps of America’s Sweetheart’s Papilla Mammae? Wait, don’t google what that means. It’s nipple stuff. (more…)
My name is Adam Allgood.
The other day a soothsayer told me the exact day I would die.
December 13th, 2317
Most people would be upset to find out the day they will die. Not me.
I’m excited. I am going to live to be 329 years old. Well beyond the common human life span. Pretty excited to find out how. (more…)
I’m no wine sophisticate, but I learned a lot on my jaunt up north to California wine country this past weekend and was inspired to own a vineyard and winery of my very own, just like Clint Eastwood’s favorite editor does, according to one local Lyft driver. He got to hold his Oscar for Unforgiven! I’m very happy for him. Here’s a list of the first wines available for tasting at Soundtrack to Chicago the Musical Vineyard & Winery.
Bold, italicized, hint of how my neighbor Doug’s palms smell, aged five months in a recycled Sparkletts container, then for three more months split between fifteen plastic cups covered with extra napkins from a children’s birthday party. (more…)