Have you ever noticed how I have the weirdest little paws? Maybe not. I always walk on them really softly, so you probably can’t hear me. Incidentally, where did you get those heavy boots?
”Holy shit a raccoon!”
I feel like you have been so quiet lately! Is everything okay? I worry!
“What the fuck was that!?”
Brandon, was it?
Yes, I think it was Brandon, or maybe Brendon. Anyway, I just wanted to put in a formal request that your friend continue to shout whichever one it is at odd intervals from the hours of midnight to 3 a.m. It really soothes me.
To my newest friends,
I was just thinking about old times and thought I’d share. As a longer term resident of the property, I spend much of my time fondly looking back on years past. So many nice, quiet folks who kept to themselves. You would have liked them I’m sure.
“Ew what a weird-looking dog”
I HOPE YOU HAVE BEEN WELL. SURE SEEMS LIKE IT.
(THAT’S MY NAME BY THE WAY, IF YOU CARE.)
I believe I received some mail of yours by mistake. Were you expecting some cigarette butts and broken beer bottles? If you would like to retrieve these parcels, I can be reached at:
Under the Porch
Los Angeles, CA 90028
Please feel free to come by at your earliest convenience. I suppose I can expect you around 2 p.m. on a work day?
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!