Please Contribute to the Kickstarter for My Horror Film or My Wife Will Probably Divorce Me
By
July 25, 2017

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Welcome to my Kickstarter!

Hi! My name is Phil and I’m the Writer, Director, Producer, Cinematographer, Editor, Colorist, and Sound Designer of The Getaway, an indie horror film full of pulse-pounding thrills!

The Getaway follows a husband and wife as they go on a relaxing trip to a remote cabin… But their trip becomes far from relaxing when strange guests arrive.

I’ve already shot The Getaway, but I need your help to finish it! I also need your help because the money I used to shoot it came directly from the savings account I share with my wife, Stacie, and if I don’t pay it back, well, there’s a good chance she’ll divorce me.

The backstory:

Without the support of a major studio, indie filmmakers have to take a Do-It-Yourself approach to bring their visions to life. In order for The Getaway to see the silver screen, I knew I’d have to fully commit to this DIY mindset – even if that meant funding it with the 50k that Stacie and I had been saving for a down payment on a condo in Pasadena. Now that’s DIY filmmaking!

Speaking of Do-It-Yourself, Stacie told me I’ll be doing everything myself soon if I don’t repay our money, because she’ll walk out for good. Like my spine-chilling film, the thought of that is enough to keep me up at night!

Want to find out if the protagonists of The Getaway survive their horrific ordeal? Want to help my marriage survive this ordeal?  Kill two birds with one stone and contribute today. And don’t forget to checkout our sweet rewards!

Rewards:

$25 – You will receive a shout-out on social media! 

Check out our Facebook page for a personalized thank-you message! While you’re there, you may notice that Stacie has changed our relationship status from “Married” to “It’s Complicated.” But there’s still time to turn it around! Your donation will show Stacie that I am beginning the process of paying back our money. Soon, she might even sleep in our bed again instead of passing out on the couch watching House of Cards.

$100 – You will receive a shout-out and a DVD of The Getaway!

One step closer! Our marriage counselor, Kenward, thinks that the plot to The Getaway is derivative of other cabin-based horror movies like The Strangers, and to a lesser degree, Cabin in the Woods. I don’t know why this topic is relevant to our sessions, and frankly, it comes across as a bit condescending.

Your donation will show Kenward that he has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about. Each dollar we receive will further prove there is an eager audience for The Getaway. Hell, with contributions like this, maybe Stacie and I can stop seeing Kenward for good!

$250 – You will receive the above, plus a poster of The Getaway!

This spooky, limited-edition poster is perfect for your bedroom wall! I’ve done the math on this, and if Stacie divorces me, I’m pretty sure I’d have to move into my childhood bedroom at my parent’s place. Talk about spooky! Your donation will not only help The Getaway see the light of day. It will also keep this real life horror scenario at bay!

$500 – You will receive all of the above, plus a signed script!

Say hello to your very own script of The Getaway, signed by the amazing Nina Basker of Nails of Death 4 and Jör Bronson of Crib Massacre: The Awakening! That reminds me, Stacie and I have already signed on the condo I mentioned earlier. After pleading with our real estate agent, she agreed to hold the place for us as long as we deliver the down payment to her in a month. Luckily, this Kickstarter campaign has 28 days left. Let’s do this, people!

$1,000 – You will receive all of the above perks, plus an Executive-Producer Title on The Getaway!

Woo-hoo! You’ll have an EP title on this nail-biting, suspenseful thrill ride! I’ve been in a state of suspense myself for the past few weeks because Stacie is threatening to take our dog Bowie with her if this Kickstarter doesn’t work out. I love Bowie almost as much as I love Stacie. Losing them both over this one stupid mistake will haunt me for the rest of my life. Just like the shocking climax of The Getaway will haunt you!

Are you on the edge of your seat yet? I know I am!

I leave the fate of The Getaway in your generous hands. Contribute today, and help bring this summer indie-horror romp to a theater near you!

Please.

I’m begging you.

Help me.

— Phil

 
 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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