Please Stop Asking Me If I’m Down with O.P.P. (I Thought You Knew Me)
By and
September 30, 2013

We’ve had a number of long conversations in studio, onstage in front of thousands of people, and even on national TV, about whether or not I was comfortable with non-monogamy, Treach. Each time you’ve asked me if I’m down wit’ it, I’ve given you the same answer: “Yeah. You know me.”

…at least I thought you did.

Treach, do you realize that this has been going on for twenty-two years? I think it’s time you stop questioning your friends’ principles. We’ve been talking, you know. D.J. Kay Gee feels the same.

And so does every last homie.

At first we found it refreshing that you espoused something that wasn’t in line with the social mores of the time. To call a woman’s house when her boyfriend was home. Boy, that’s what was scary back then. Your progressive thinking crossed gender boundaries too, and you entreated women to follow us into our polyamorous lifestyle

“O.P.P.,” you would say. And whether that second “P” referred to other people’s penises or pussies, you said it with pride.

We’ve reaffirmed our commitment to this lifestyle again and again at your goading, at first with enthusiasm, then with growing impatience. And now, Treach, this whole party is starting to wonder what you’re hiding.

Your so-called “pride” first came into question during that fall out, that disagreement, yeah that argument, all those years ago. That woman told you she loved you. She wanted to meet your girlfriend, but you grabbed her coat and forced her out the door. “When you get down, you can’t go ’round runnin’ off at the mouth,” you said to her.

Why, Treach? Because that would be naughty? We all agreed when we started this that our naughtiness was to be embraced. It’s in our nature after all.

So I just have one more question for you, and it may sound familiar: Who’s down wit’ O.P.P.? All the ladies? All the homies? The whole party?

Maybe it’s time you asked who’s not.

 

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!

 


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