This is a public service. Never go on a Palm Cruise vacation. This is a reprint of a letter I received from Palm Cruise Lines after I wrote them for a refund following an unsatisfactory vacation I had on one of their singles cruises. The cruise was disappointing. Their response even more so. See for yourself why you should avoid Palm Cruises.
Vice-President, Customer Service
Palm Cruise Lines, LLC
P.O. Box 7685
Orlando, FL 32805
December 12, 2013
727 S. Mansfield Ave., #10
Los Angeles, CA 90036
RE: Your Letter Dated November 11, 2013
Dear Mr. Desai,
Thank you for your letter dated November 11, 2013. On behalf of Palm Cruise Lines, I am sorry that you did not enjoy your recent week with us on our “Fiesta Caliente” Caribbean singles cruise. However, I regret to inform you that we cannot refund the cost of your week long cruise with us.
Usually, we make every effort to satisfy our customers, but, in our assessment, the reasons underlying your request for a refund are simply too far-fetched.
To begin with, I am sorry that your ex-girlfriend Maya was on the same cruise as you. I understand how that must have been awkward for you, especially with her “hooking up left and right,” as you claim in your January 29th letter. But, how could Palm Cruise Lines know that we had booked the two of you on the same trip?
Further, I am sorry that our ship’s movie channel screened the film Two Weeks Notice, which reminded of you of a date you went on with Maya and brought back memories you would otherwise not want to relive. But, I assure you that our screening of Two Weeks Notice was merely coincidental and had nothing to do with reminding you of “the good times” right before “having your heart ripped out.” Frankly, Two Weeks Notice was chosen for some of our female customers, and it’s a little surprising that you are such a fan of it. Though, yes, I also enjoy Hugh Grant’s performance in it.
Also, I regret that we ran out of butterfly shrimp at our Thursday Surf ‘n’ Turf buffet. It was simply a matter of not preparing enough butterfly shrimp. This was our mistake and I regret that your shrimp demands were not adequately met. In light of that, please accept the attached voucher for two free massages on any Palm Cruise Lines vacation package. I hope the voucher, at least in part, makes up for the deficiency in shrimp you experienced.
Lastly, I do not know how to address your final concern. I do not possess the requisite legal knowledge to know whether or not a Los Angeles County restraining order applies in international waters. That is a question more appropriate for a family lawyer or an admiralty lawyer. Either way, good luck in obtaining a restraining order for future cruises, though, please keep in mind, the odds of you being booked on the same cruise as Maya again are very slim. Maybe your time and money would be better spent on something else. And, pardon my insensitivity, but it sounds like Maya does not need the additional motivation of a restraining order in order to want to avoid you.
Thanks for joining us on our cruise! Your patronage is highly appreciated.
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