I’m in college. And I’m not white. I know, it sounds like a movie idea already. I’m also super poor. Surprise?
College is expensive and I need to find work. I have 3 part time jobs right now, and I still don’t make a lot of money. I don’t get enough hours.
So, I thought about doing something else in order to make some decent money, I will write to every college campus across the country about being the student of color in their diversity flyer! I’ve attended 3 colleges, so I know there is a demand for this. I’m looking at you, Midwestern states.
I’m the perfect person for a diversity flyer. I think I’m overqualified, honestly. I’m the kind of diverse where non-profit organizations ask me to speak at their galas, so disconnected rich people give them a lot of money. (It works!) Also, I’ve been rejected from every diversity scholarship I’ve ever applied to. Probably for being too diverse. Or as they put it “not the right fit.”
Pass my info along. My rate is $3,789 per flyer. That’s roughly how much it was for me to take 4 classes at my old school for a semester. But, it’s worth the price tag! You can trick your students into thinking you care about them!
Here are some ideas for flyers that I can be in:
1. There can be a bunch of white hands in a circle. Like 19. But there’s room enough for one more hand. It’s my hand! My BROWN hand! It can symbolize unity, or acceptance. You can write “Theater” underneath it, or something.
2. I can sit in a library with a very perplexed expression on my face, while I read a math textbook. Luckily, right behind me, I have my white peers gently and reassuringly grabbing my shoulders, in a manner that says, “Hey, don’t worry, anybody can do math. Even you!”
3. I can do a classic picture of me in a cap and gown in front of your school, and you can caption it with one word. Words like: perseverance, adversity, or anything with more than 3 syllables.
4. You can do a flyer of me being invited to sit at a cafeteria table for lunch. Everybody will have pizza on their plates. I will have a sack lunch, so you can still tell that I’m disadvantaged at a socioeconomic level.
5. I can provide a photo of myself on your campus, and you can edit it with photoshop so it looks older, and it can seem like you cared about diversity a long time ago.
These flyers are gonna make me a lot of money. Like, damn. School sucks.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!