Reasons I Would Be Called Upon to Help During an Emergency on a Plane
By
November 16, 2015

The flight attendant asks, “Is there a doctor on this flight?” I yell back, “Doc-tor?! I hardly know her!” Everyone laughs and calms down. The flight attendant and I exchange a meaningful nod. She mouths, “Thank you.”

The flight crew needs a passenger to participate in an Air Marshall training program by eating a large amount of THC and having a three hour panic attack. The program is designed to teach Marshalls which type of suspicious passengers are not a big deal.

The Captain needs to talk to someone who’s dealt with the pain of losing a Best Buy gift card.

Two passengers have made a bet that no one on the flight can fit in the overhead compartment and then need someone to bully into trying it.

The landing gear can’t be activated without my half of the amulet.

A lonely teen can’t choose a song to listen while staring mournfully out the window. I sit next to him and slip him my 2008 iPod Classic. He hears the opening strains of Prince’s “Raspberry Beret.” He finally feels like himself.

Someone’s grandson doesn’t call them enough so they need a generic white dude to ask them what World War II was like.

A single woman doesn’t have anyone projecting a hypothetical romance onto them from a few rows back. This is part of an Air Marshall training program designed to teach them which type of suspicious passengers should be maced immediately.

Skymall needs mocking.

Someone needs a hand to hold while unexpectedly crying during a Kevin James movie.

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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