Resolution Hacks
December 28, 2015

Another year is almost up and you haven’t completed any of your New Year’s Resolutions. No worries! You’ve got a couple weeks, and I’ve graciously compiled some quick “hacks” for the slackers out there:
Lose Weight
Give into your seasonal depression! Shed that will to live and the IBS will follow!
Quit Smoking
You do not need a hack for this. 
Eat Healthier
Just stop eating garbage! Take that tin can out of your fat mouth, and don’t even THINK about chewing the hem on your date’s jeans.
Be Less Stressed
Get the most out of your seasonal depression by developing a mild drinking problem.
Build Savings
It is December and I’m not Paul Krugman, so I’m not super sure what all you can do here. My best advice is this: literally nobody knows what a Bitcoin is. For all intents and purposes, you could be Bitcoin filthy rich. Play that up.
Travel More
ISIS is on the loose! Take some quick staycations on the information superhighway, my friend. Live long and prosper.
Read More
Lie. Nobody else has ever read a book. 


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!