Running a Temporary Okapi Sanctuary is Easier Than You Ever Imagined
By
February 7, 2014

Dear Resident,

Have you ever thought about making some extra money? Well, have I got good news for you: running a temporary okapi sanctuary is easier then you ever imagined!

As everyone knows, okapi are giraffes with butts like zebras. Now, I’m sure you don’t need more convincing, but hear me out, because I’m kinda on a roll here. It turns out that okapi are just one part of God’s plan for us, and the other part of that plan is letting me house them in your child’s nursery for $40 while you are at work.

Okapi are fascinating, mean-spirited creatures with scent glands in their feet that produce a tar-like substance that will never come out of your carpets. In the wild, they subsist almost entirely on a diet of dirt, trees burnt by lightning, and poisonous fungi whereas, in my experience, captive okapi or “domesticated okapi,” as I like to call them, mostly subsist on a diet of linens, cardboard boxes, and pencil erasers.

And they don’t even bite! They’re herbivores! The only reason they would ever bite you or your child is if they felt threatened, bored, or mistook you for a tree burnt by lightning.

They will definitely lick your child though. They will lick him with their big weird tongues. This is normal and means they are bonding with your child.

And did I mention okapi are endangered? Well they sorta are! So if anything, you’d be doing the world a favor! Plus the $40!

FYI, if the cops come around, you never met me. These are just weird dogs. What zoo heist, officer?

Now that I’ve explained everything, I assume we have a deal! I’ll drop the okapi off tomorrow. The money comes next week.

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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