Scrapped Horror Movie Sequels
By
March 11, 2014

The Hills Have Mouths
And they will not shut up about gluten.

MasturBates Motel
As if kids wouldn’t immediately vandalize that sign.

The Amityville PTA Meeting
Who was supposed to bring the cookies?

Rosemary’s Baby: The Teen Years
High school’s hard enough without your Devil dad’s eyes.

Night Sweats on Elm Street
It’s summer; kick off that down comforter.

The Blair Witch Senior Thesis
The stress might be what kills you.

The Abstinence Ring
What’s more terrifying to watch than abstinence-only sex education?

Very Normal Activity
There was a house right next door, they’re thinking of getting a pool.

Divorcée of Frankenstein
You haven’t seen him rampage until you’ve seen him get the request for alimony.

Carrie’d Away
Someone has to clear up all that rubble.

The Last House on the Right
The front lawn is an absolute mess; it’s really an eyesore.

 

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