Did you know that after the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped in 1932, some worried parents started tattooing their children so they could easily be identified? What a tastemaker that baby was!
One of the things the Lindbergh baby and I share is our lack of body art. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what makes a good tattoo. So if you’re thinking of joining the post-Lindbergh baby craze, here are some cool tattoos I’ve selected for your consideration:
Tweety Bird (ankle) – This is the 1957 Ford Thunderbird of tattoos: timeless. If a picture is worth a thousand words, this little cartoon bird says more than your eHarmony profile ever could. Are you a breezy socialite with a tortured past, or a down-to-earth business associate who still makes time to laugh and love? With this tattoo, you’re both! Tweety Bird, like the musical CATS, is “NOW AND FOREVER.”
Playboy Bunny (inner arm) – Make it clear to everyone you greet in shirtsleeves that the 2011 NBC series The Playboy Club may have been cancelled after only three episodes, but in your heart, Nick Dalton will always be running for District Attorney. For superfans only!
Bulbasaur (neck) – For the baddest of the bad. Bulbasaur is the undisputed best Starter Pokémon. Squirtle and Charmander bow down and weep in his presence. His displeasure, once ignited, is swift, unrelenting, and merciless. With this ink, no one will ever cross you again.
Barbed Wire (bip aka bicep) – This barbed wire, wrapped tensely against your muscle, is a constant reminder of the proletariat’s exploitation at the hands of the bourgeoisie. Yes, you work as the office manager at your dad’s dumb Hyundai dealership, but you will never forgot the oppression of your proletarian brothers. Also, Creed totally rocks!
Barcode (back of head) – Are you a dimension-hopping snack cake escaped from an alien vending machine, or a hitman bio-engineered from recombinant DNA to be the ultimate assassin-for-hire? Keep the Arby’s manager conducting your job interview guessing.
Portrait of You (inner thigh, right) – Not that fun by itself, but consider it an investment for the future. When you meet The One you’ll want to be prepared for your other tattoo…
Portrait of Your Significant Other (inner thigh, left) – When you walk, it’s like you two are kissing! Too cute!
This is just a small sample of the literally millions of potential designs out there. The most important thing to remember is that tattoos are a reflection of who you are, so don’t forget to have fun. Also, babies with face tattoos never get kidnapped. Stay safe out there!
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!