As of 2018, The Higgs Weldon has been up and running for 5 years. To celebrate, we are re-publishing some of our favorite pieces from over the years for the entire month of January. This article was originally published on July 23, 2013.
This item surfaced recently to great fanfare. It’s a burger with Animal Style fries in it. Animal Style fries are, of course, fries with cheese, grilled (greased) onions, and In-N-Out’s signature pink liquid. A more specific animal was required when naming this burger, and “monkey” was chosen because of the well-documented tendency of certain monkeys to put foods into other foods.
Depending how you look at it, a grilled cheese sandwich with another bun in the middle, or a burger with a bun patty. Either way, a bun lover’s delight.
In the tradition of other menu items for people on fad diets, this secret menu item is for vegetarians who are on the paleo diet. TRIVIA: If you go to In-N-Out with a friend who orders a burger with extra lettuce, extra tomatoes, extra onions, extra hot peppers and extra spread, you can compose your own paleo style veggie protein burger for free.
An open-faced (aka McDLT-style) burger served with In-N-Out’s custom pico de gallo. This little-known fresh salsa is made of painstakingly diced onions, tomatoes and hot peppers. If the cashier is unfamiliar with this secret menu item, feel free to walk them through it. The kitchen staff loves making these.
A burger with the bun in the middle, sandwiched between two patties. Legend has it this item was invented when a patron accidentally said “inside-out burger” instead of “In-N-Out burger.” Recommended for those who have difficulty tasting salt.
Fries served in a “bread bowl” (bun) filled with “chowder” (In-N-Out’s signature pink liquid) for dipping. Note: This item is only served at the Fisherman’s Wharf In-N-Out:
333 Jefferson St, San Francisco, CA 94133
Phone: (800) 786-1000
A cabin made of fry logs with a meat roof. According to Michelle Gomez, In-N-Out’s marketing director:
“…Originally only served the week of Presidents’ Day, this item began to be ordered in many locations around Hollywood when Daniel Day Lewis was spotted ordering one from an In-N-Out Truck on the set of Steven Spielberg’s 2012 film Lincoln.”
In a franchise location, the employees may not be familiar with the above items. Another way to tell if you’re in a franchise is to look under your cup: If, in place of a Bible verse, your cup features a Necronomicon verse that reads, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn,” then you’ll know that your In-N-Out is a franchise. Some argue that the ritualistically slaughtered beef at franchise locations is tastier.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!