Spinning for Beginners
By
June 13, 2017

The internal monologue of a first time spin student: 

Before the Class:

9:00 am – I think I should sign up for a spin class tonight. Oh my goodness there are so many fun themed classes! I want to do them all!

9:10 am – Alright, buckle down and pick one. How about Rihanna, Kanye West & Kid Cudi?

11:45 am – Okay, you gotta drink a lot of water before class. You cannot be dehydrated tonight!

2:00 pm – I’m not doing this. I should call them. I have a stomach ache. Nope. Not doing this.

2:02 pm – You bought a class pass dummy. Your locked in. You have to do it.

5:00 pm – I should go home and get ready. Or is there any other work I can do here…

5:46 pm – So do I eat something beforehand? I think you’re suppose to eat a light meal. I think you’re suppose to eat a banana. Yes. I’ve heard specifically to eat a banana before working out.

5:52 pm – I don’t have a banana.

5:58 pm – Okay, I’m not going to eat anything then.

6:02 pm – But wait! What if I pass out. I haven’t eaten since lunch. I mean. I should eat right?

6:04 pm – Water. Just bring water. You’ll be fine.

6:11 pm – Let’s check the website again. They provide shoes. I should be there 15 minutes ahead of time and bring my own water.

6:14 pm – So do I wear my sneakers there? I mean they’re going to give me the shoes I need…right?

6:17 pm – But I have big feet. What if they don’t have my shoe size!

6:19 pm – I’m sure they have shoes that will fit you.

6:29 pm – Alright. Guess I should head over…

6:30 pm – You need to leave now so you can get there 15 minutes ahead of time. That’s what the website recommends.

At the Studio:

6:45 pm – The door to this studio is in a back alleyway? That’s sketchy right? Is this studio real. Is this a legitimate place? Did I just give my money to some fraudulent scam?

6:46 pm – Oh…and this class is in a basement…

6:47 pm – Get the shoes. Get the shoes. Do I have to tell her it’s my first class? Probably. I don’t know how to set up a bike.

6:49 pm – Where should I sit? What if someone tries to talk to me. No thank you…

6:53 pm – Remember the number 15. That’s your seat height. 15. 15! 15!

6:55 pm – Wait the class doesn’t start for 5 more minutes. Why are these people peddling.

6:59 pm – Now I see why this seat was open. Everyone is sitting in front of the fans! Well this should be fun…

During Class:

7:00 pm – This instructor is way too jazzed up for 7:00 pm on a Tuesday.

7:04 pm – Follow the beat of the song? What does that even mean. I don’t have rhythm.

7:05 pm – Two turns of resistance? We just started this class. Don’t we get some warm up time?

7:06 pm – So many different hand positions….

7:11 pm – I really should have sat in front of the fan.

7:13 pm – I didn’t know I had the capability to sweat this much…

7:15 pm – Water. I need water. Just sips. Not gulps.

7: 18 pm – Yup. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

7:21 pm – There is no clock in here! I need to know how much longer until this nightmare is over.

7:24 pm – Wait what. She just said to close my eyes? Does she want me to lose my goodies all over this peppy sorority girl sitting in front of me.

7:27 pm – Time for arm exercises. Two pound weights. This should be easy peasy.

7:31 pm – This is not easy peasy…

7:36 pm – This is the most useless towel ever. It’s scratchy as hell. Is it even getting the sweat off my face, or is it just acting as an exfoliator.

7:39 pm – I’m getting the hang of this. Still can’t find the beat though. Fake it till you make it right!

7:43 pm – Cool down! This is done. It’s over. If I could break out into dance right now I would. But I’m basically a walking bag of jello right now.

After the Class:

7:47 pm – Why would someone subject themselves to that? I’m not going back.

7:53 pm – Or maybe I am…

 
 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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