Chief Import: Chill Vibes

Chief Export: Chiller Vibes

Leading Trading Partners: Spencer and Quinn (Whichever One Has Weed)

Military Capabilities: Jägerbombs

Industries: Drawing Dicks on Buds’ Faces After They Pass Out from Too Many Jägerbombs, Laughing

Clean Drinking Water Levels: 100% (But Prefer Bud Light Lime)

Natural Resources: Calling Dad

Top Infectious Diseases: Sick, Bro

Leading Cause of Death: Lacrosse Injuries

Languages: English, Two Years of German But Don’t Remember Shit, A Couple Spanish Curse Words

Literacy Rate: 100% (But Prefer “The Movie”)

Obesity Rate: No Fat Chicks


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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