Los Angeles Court House
June 9, 2015
10:42 A.M.

Fred Durst vs. The People (Part 2)

JUDGE CARLIN: Good morning Mr. Durst, unfortunately we meet again under these circumstances. My records show that on Thursday, May 29th you were seen at the Arclight (Sherman Oaks) trying to sneak into the film Pitch Perfect 2 without purchasing a ticket for said film and when you were asked to exit the theater, ran out to the concession stand, upheaving as many Peanut M&M’s as you could before running wild out of the establishment. What could you possibly have to say in your defense?

DEFENDANT: Well Judge Carlin, my previous defense holds strong once again in that I did it all for the nookie.

JUDGE CARLIN: Oh no, don’t you start that again, tell me in good health why you committed this heinous act.

DEFENDANT: Your honor, I took an oath and I respect that oath, therefore – I did it all for the nookie.

JUDGE CARLIN: The nookie!?


JUDGE CARLIN: The fricken nookie!??


JUDGE CARLIN: Well you can take that f*^#ng nookie and stick it up your…


JUDGE CARLIN: Stick it up your…


JUDGE CARLIN: Alright then Mr. Durst, not only are you sentenced to the dealth penalty but your last meal will be my dick, with a side of fries.

Fred Durst vs. The People, Part 1


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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