1. Summer is for the birds! Seriously, when birds fly north, what happens? There are more birds. Birds can fly which is cool but they also poop on you/things–which is not cool. Bummer 1. Summer 0.
2. The garbage smells worse! All that heat makes the garbage smell so much worse than normal! You like that? I don’t. Not me. No sir.
3. Summer is the number one cause of fall! Seriously. How have we let summer off the hook for so long? Fall is like when school starts and when we stop having fun in the sun! How much of a bummer is summer now!
4. Too much sun! Seriously! Why is it that we hate every other cancer causing agent besides the sun? It’s time to confront our love of fun in the sun and relegate it to the history books. Nailed you, summer!
5. Summer is hot! Hot is fucked up! Like can’t I just be appreciated for my brains and not my body all the time? God damn!
6. This list is so god damn hard! Fuck summer for rhyming with bummer! If I didn’t think of that damn title I wouldn’t be doing this list! How much of a bummer is summer now!
7. Grown men wear shorts! This one is pretty real. Like seriously fellas, shorts? Come on. I mean! Ugh… What’s happened to this country?
8. Country music loves summer! How shitty do you feel now? You don’t agree with country music, do you? DO YOU!?!
9. Sometimes it rains! I know this isn’t exclusive to summer, but it does suck MORE when it rains in summer… and we’re getting pretty close to the end here…
10. Dogs and babies don’t get to sit in a car in the summer! Like, I mean when it’s turned off and in a parking lot. How much does that suck for dogs and babies? Maybe sitting in a car in a parking lot while their owner goes shopping is like their favorite thing. Some me time. You don’t know! But you can’t do it in the summer!
11. Have you read the news? Lot of bad things happening. LOT of bad things happening… Damn…
12. OH, RIGHT. You have to drink more water! Summer hates hydration and really tries to force its views on you! Then you drink more water and have to what? That’s right, pee more. Summer makes you pee more.
13. Fuck it. Just make the list 12 things.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!