Halloween is my absolute favorite time of year and right now, there is a disturbing lack of horror movies coming to theaters. I want to waste my money watching horrible things, through horrible story telling. I am being deprived of my constitutional right to call a horror movie terrible. So, I decided to write my own series of awful horror movie ideas. Some of which I truly believe have the capacity to become a feature length film. This is my favorite time of year and I am very excited to share these ideas with you. Here they are.
Hands Up, Don’t Spook
When a corrupt police officer receives noise complaints about a house party, he has no choice but to investigate. When he arrives, he notices that all of the people at the party are victims that he shot and killed as an act of injustice. Now he must confront his own demons. Will the spirits have their revenge? Or will the officer kill the vibe?
John De Mon is a pumpkin farmer who just lost his son in a terrible tractor accident. The accident completely knocked the head off of his son’s body. Nothing out of the ordinary for the people of Deathville, Vermont. In a grief stricken frenzy, he attempts to bring his son back from the dead. He removes his son’s brain, and sticks it into a Jack-O-Lantern. Will he be the same person he remembers? Or will it be a hollow victory? One thing is for sure, it is Pumpkin Boy.
Pumpkin Boy 2: Pumpkin Man
John believes in second chances, and profiting off of horror sequels. After 20 years have passed, he chooses to revisit the unmarked grave of his son. He digs up his corpse to use as a scarecrow. What’s the worst that can happen? He gives his son a robot body, and retains the pumpkin head. The electrical current from the robot body reanimates his son. John De Mon now faces the full wrath of Pumpkin Man. As we all know, a pumpkin never forgets. Will this pumpkin learn to forgive?
What happens when a hurricane, crosses with a tornado? Freaking destruction. Oh yea, did I mention that this natural disaster, has a damn gun.
Mad scientist/local farmer, Pum Kin Pie, needs something to protect his crops. The crows keep eating his corn, and the scarecrows are useless to stop them. So why not combine them? Pum Kin decides he will make a literal scare crow. The body of a scarecrow and like, the wings of a real crow. The creature has a bird beak and talks like a human. Does this make sense? Someone should help out these farmers. I actually felt like this idea could go somewhere.
A start-up company attempts to create a new kind of phone service, installing cell phone towers into every graveyard throughout America. This company targets the weak and vulnerable who have just lost family, friends, and maybe even their minds. The company is called Tomb-Mobile.
Who runs this company? The freaking devil himself, Satan. Whenever you use Tomb-Mobile you die, too. The only way to stop the madness is to destroy the towers. You’ve heard of data mining, but soul mining?
It’s the night of the big dance. This year the school, Phantom High, was able to afford a really nice venue for the occasion thanks to a spooky accounting error. Phantom High gets to experience Prom at Bloodstain Castle. (Lightning Striking Sounds). Everybody has a date except for Charles Nerdopolis, everybody thinks he’s weird because his clothes never match, when in actuality Charles is colorblind. Unfortunately, for Charles, evil too, sees no color. Nerdopolis wanders through the castle and finds his own knight in shining armor. Literally and figuratively. His hatred towards his classmates manifests itself into pure energy and enters the knights armor, leading it to go on a killing spree. Will Charles become King of the Castle? Or is it not in his vision?
What if everytime you typed on your computer, it felt pain?
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!