Text Translation Guide: Exclamation Points
By
August 30, 2013

Texting is hard. I’m here to help. This month, let’s learn how to decipher your text buddy’s use of exclamation points:

One exclamation point (!) = “I hate you and I hate that we’re texting.”

Two exclamation points (!!) = “I think you’re pretty cool,” or, “I hate you but I found ten dollars on the ground today.”

Three exclamation points (!!!) = “I like you but I’m afraid of sincerity,” or, “I just won a really intense game of Settlers of Catan.”

Four exclamation points (!!!!) = No one knows what this means. I advise playing it cool.

Five exclamation points (!!!!!) = “I’m a jerk who doesn’t understand nuance.”

Six exclamation points (!!!!!!) = “I’m so mad at you right now,” or, “I absolutely love the band or flavor of pizza that you mentioned.”

Seven exclamation points (!!!!!!!) =  “I just met Beyoncé.”

Eight exclamation points (!!!!!!!!) = “I just met Beyoncé and Jay-Z.”

Nine exclamation points (!!!!!!!!!) = “I just met Beyoncé and Jay-Z and Barack Obama.”

Ten exclamation points (!!!!!!!!!!) = “I think I’m in love with you,” and/or, “Please send help.”

Be sure to tune in next month when we discuss the enigma that is the word “okay!”

 

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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