Text Translation Guide: Pics, Dick and Otherwise
May 23, 2014

What is a “pic?” It’s a picture. But what does it mean? It means words. Sometimes up to a thousand. This month, let’s consider the various pics your text buddies might be sending you, and what words they could be trying to say.

A food pic – This friend wants you to know that they eat food. A food pic says words like, “I’m eating alone,” “I’m eating with someone I don’t like,” or “I am a human who eats Earth food and definitely not an alien who eats outer space food. Why do you ask?”

A selfie at a cool event – This friend wants you to know that they are doing something cool. This friend also wants you to know that they “wish you were here!” and/or “resent you for not being!”

A selfie at home – This friend is bored. This friend is having a hard time. This friend’s car and/or spirit is broken and they need you to come over.

A dick pic – This friend needs no translation. This friend has clear motives. Let’s move on to more important things, such as…

A lil pug in a sweater – This friend loves you. This friend wants you to know true happiness.

A lil kitten in a sweater – This friend means well, but doesn’t know what you really need.

An animated GIF – This friend is showing off. It’s up to you to decide if it was worth it. For example,

Worth it:

Not worth it:

The differences are subtle but important.

A sunset pic – This friend doesn’t understand how sunsets work. This friend will probably definitely never be truly present in a moment.

And finally, a screencap – This friend knows how buttons work.

Well there you have it, all the pics a friend could possibly text you, and exactly what they mean. Tune in next month when we’ll discuss something different, but equally important.


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!

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