Text Translation Guide: Texts From Your Parents
By
December 9, 2015

paigetext_parentsTexting is hard. I’m here to help. No matter how much trouble you get into with texting, no one is having a harder time than Mom and Pop. If you find yourself struggling to understand your parents’ messages, you’re not alone. Here are a few possible texts you might receive from your dear old mom and/or dad, and how you can decipher them.

“Hi”

Depending on your relationship with your parents, this may or may not be a trap. A text of “Hi” likely translates to:

1. “I love you” or,

2. “I just remembered about texting and thought of you?”

A photo of the family pet

Directly, this translates to, “Ginger is being cute!” However, when you factor in the subtle nuances of language, it truly translates to, “Come visit us for once if your goddamn life.”

“Call me”

This could mean anything from “Great Aunt Janet died” to “Can you help me with iCloud?” Tread lightly.

Anything containing a link

The modern day equivalent of mailing a newspaper clipping, any text from a parent containing a link just means, “I saw this and thought of you.” You are safe to reply, “Thank you!” without ever opening the link. If the contents of the link come up in further messages, just agree a lot.

“Did you get my message?”

Roughly, this text is telling you “You are a bad son/daughter.” You should feel so bad for not responding! Either that or your parent didn’t send you an earlier message and is confused.

“How’s life?”

This text shows a basic misunderstanding of texting as a catching-up tool. Maybe just give your parents a call every once in awhile, you ungrateful little shit.

There you have it! All the texts all your moms and/or dads could send you and exactly what they mean. If your relationship with them remains strained, I don’t know what you want me to do.

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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