The Inner Monologue of a Doctor Riding a Train
By
December 9, 2013

I am a doctor.

A surgeon, in fact.

I’ve saved lives. I once removed barbed wire from a man’s small intestine.

Imagine trying to untangle a mass of various cords, except some of them are covered in feces, and some are lined with razor blades.

‘Twas the trickiest procedure I’ve ever performed.

But today I am none of that.

Today I’m not a hero.

Today I’m just a man riding the train.

I am a train man.

Every Sunday for the past forty years I’ve not been a doctor; I’ve been a train man.

Every Sunday for the past forty years I’ve gotten up at 9 a.m. and ridden the train through beautiful Massachusetts apple country.

It’s the one thing I’ve looked forward to every week for the past forty years.

I don’t have to save lives today and I don’t have to fight for the lives that I know are past saving.

“OH MY GOD, I THINK MY HUSBAND IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK!”

For I am not a doctor. As I said, I am a train man.

A man who rides and wanders. A man with no direction.

“SOMEONE PLEASE, IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE TRAIN?”

A man who goes where the train takes him.

A man free from obligation.

“HE’S NOT BREATHING! IS THERE A DOCTOR? SOMEONE PLEASE!”

A man with a song in his heart and adventure on his mind.

“HE HAS NO PULSE! STOP THE TRAIN!”

It is Sunday.

I am not a doctor today.

I am a train man.

 

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


CARTOONS
Hangin' in There-11 mini

facebookfooter twitterfooter tumblrfooter rssfooter

Sign up for our monthly email list!