So your best friend is getting Commitment Ceremonied, and you’re in charge of planning the bachelorette party. You’ve come to the right place! We’ve put together the only checklist you’ll need for the ultimate Grrls’ Night Out!
-Find a TOTALLY RANDOM guy at the bar, and have the bride give him a reading from Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble!
-Ask the bride to describe what PAY EQUITY means to her—in 69 words or fewer!
-Buy penis-shaped lollipops and bring them to the bar.
-Give them to RANDOM GUYS and ask them to describe a time when they have felt boxed in by traditional ideas of masculinity!!
-Have the bride kiss a guy who has expressly given his consent!!
-Find and kiss a guy with the same first and last name as Simone de Beauvoir—photo ID required!!!!!!
-Get five guys’ phone numbers. Arrange for them to volunteer as tutors for high school girls in low-income areas. Bonus points if the school’s graduation rate rises!!
-Make up naughty drink names like SAFE SPACE and TOWARD A NEW UNDERSTANDING OF FEMININITY
-Bake cookies in the shape of GLORIA STEINEM!!
-Have the bride ask THE MOST RANDOM GUY SHE CAN FIND to give her a quarter for the dental dam machine in the bathroom. IT’S A TRICK QUESTION: there’s never a dental dam machine in the bathroom. Have the bride write a letter to the bar outlining why we should normalize safe sex for people of ALL orientations!
-Try to find a penny from the year the bride was born, one from the year the groom was born, and one from the year Angela Davis was born (1944)
-Find and pose with items that unintentionally resemble—well, you know! (Male/female power dynamics in film and television)
-Engage a TOTAL RANDO in a spirited debate about Agnès Varda’s early films!
-Make the bride write down her favorite bell hooks quote, then ask the CUTEST, RANDOMEST GUY at the bar for his! If their quotes match, the guy has to tell the bride he respects her!!
Just remember, ladies: “I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” –Audre Lorde
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!