Thrift with Miles K | Featuring Greg Edwards
By
November 3, 2015

Second episode, baby! This is where it all gets real. Realer than real. We talk about Greg’s mom, we talk about gender in the younger generation, we talk about coming out on top when it comes to coppin’ the best stuff off the fresh rack. If you don’t know what that means well then prepare to be enlightened in this episode of Thrift with Miles K.

There’s so much good stuff I didn’t put into the episode. You know why? It’s too real for the two-minute attention span of this clickbait generation! I can’t fuck with the goldfish brain of the video literate zeitgeist. I reserve my heaviest thoughts and feelings for you women and men of letters who can still drag your eyes across a web page to read the words within. Here are some of the mind blowing thoughts that came out of my conversation with Greg:

1. Dress your age. You can still look sick as fuck and sport a flashy wardrobe without ripping off teenagers. I tell you this: living in Los Angeles means watching about a million aging media executives try to suck the essence from the youth culture by means of their fashion choices. It’s like these vampires think they can stay young by drinking cultural lifeblood. These people need to grow a pair and embrace the upside of aging. As you get older you’re supposed to find an identity and anyone who’s still searching for a persona in the pop-cultural rubbish bin by their late 30’s is a fraud and a loser.

2. We’re increasingly living off the economic runoff of the ruling class. The Goodwill Greg and I visited is a popular choice for thrifters because nearby Hollywood studios donate the clothes they use in movies and TV after they’re all finished with them. All those people crowding around the rack are trying to find items they can re-sell on eBay. According to a worker at the Goodwill, the number of such people has only been growing over time. I suspect this is because unemployment is still increasing in certain sectors of the economy and it reminds me of the garbage barges being pushed through my neighborhood by people in search of recyclables. There is an increasing class of scavengers, forced to live off capitalism’s discard pile and it’s some scary shit. If you think that could never be you, think again. LA is already willing to turn a blind eye to it’s exploding homeless population and there’s a series of veritable refugee camps throughout the city. Why would the system make an exception in your case when your unable to make rent and the Chinese speculators that own your house throw you to the curb?

3. Get to the Goodwill early! Enough with the doom and gloom proclamations. Here’s a shopping tip you can take to the bank. During my lengthy exchange with one of Goodwill’s most chatty employees I learned that morning time is when they usually put out a lot of the real finds on the racks. So if you’re the kind of savvy shopper or eBay small businessperson that’s looking for that one-of-a-kind find, get there first thing in the morning!

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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