Tooth Fairy, Your Business Model Is A Complete Failure
By
October 17, 2016

tooth
 

Listen, your father asked me to speak to you. As you may recall, I am your dad’s financial advisor. I’ll get to the point – Tooth Fairy, your company TF, LLC is hemorrhaging money.

Both your father and I get it. You don’t want to join your father’s business. If the roofing business isn’t for you, well, it isn’t for you. That’s okay. But, since college, you took the first of many loans from your dad and started TF, LLC, and from what I can tell, you literally have never had any money coming in and only money going out. I looked at the books and they are alarming, to say the least.

Let’s think about your business model. You are exchanging currency for baby teeth. And, I reviewed TF, LLC records and you haven’t been able to re-sell a single baby tooth. Frankly, that comes as no surprise, given there is no market for used baby teeth.

There’s also the added liability of the fact that you are committing breaking and entering multiple times a night. At some point, you will be arrested. It’s not a matter of if, but when. The legal bills alone certainly won’t help the current situation.

Look, your father is frustrated. He’s given you 87 loans while you “find yourself” and try to start your own business. Anyway, I think you’re doing good, interesting work, but the books are not working here.

So, have you thought about merchandise, maybe cross-licensing with the Easter Bunny or something? Point is, revenue has got to come in.

And, also, I hate to tell you, but you have to stop warehousing the teeth — you’re renting all this space out for nothing. Destroy the teeth and that’ll at least save you some money.

Ultimately, your father and I discussed the matter thoroughly, and he and I think it’s best that either you show some revenue income — and, again, the best method is probably merchandise — or, your father cannot give you the 88th loan, and, maybe it’s time to start thinking about law school. I know a lot of lawyers, and I think you could offer something to that field.

Let me know by the end of the week. I sincerely wish TF, LLC the best.

 

 
 
 

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