– Movement One –
Outside my office there is a tree,
A Tree who keeps me company.
Tree gives me shade,
We sing Lemonade.
That’s as good a friend as can be.
We sway together,
We stand together.
I eat lunch with Tree on my break,
Sometimes I offer Tree an apple,
But never doth Tree the apple take.
Tree doesn’t like apples,
Tree doesn’t like grapes.
Tree doesn’t like things
You find on a plate.
Tree makes me feel,
Like I have a best friend.
Because it’s hard to make friends,
After college ends.
In a new city.
When your decades turn three.
No one ever tells,
How hard it will be.
How hard it will be,
To make new friends,
After college ends.
If it weren’t for Tree
I don’t know where I’d be,
Not hanging out like friends,
How sad for me.
Side by side, we play
Very happy and gay
And we drink beer together,
Yes, even during the work day!
I always pick,
A nice IPA
Though Tree often prefers,
Something lighter like say,
A wheat beer, or witte, or even a white,
Something cloudy and pale,
Something fruity and light
Once Tree and I hung out for so so long,
My co-workers and boss came to see what was wrong,
They came out to find me,
Drunk as a skunk.
But there was no need to worry!
All was fine, Because,
I’d made a song for Tree
It was more a parody,
Of a song, that originally appeared,
In Toy Story.
The song was sung by Randy Newman
And my co-workers and boss,
Saw me singing with Glee
To Tree, the best (tear) —
Best Friend that could be.
The name of the song?
I worked on all day long?
“You Got A Friend In Tree”
I wasn’t embarrassed,
By the stares and the scowls.
Because Tree is my friend,
And said the song was stupend!
And I know this is true,
Tree wouldn’t pretend.
My co-workers and boss sometimes sing the song at me,
At the end of staff meetings.
At the start of staff meetings.
And sometimes they come to my desk, to stare,
Then all of a sudden start singing at me there.
But It doesn’t bother me
It doesn’t make me feel sad
Because I think about what they’re doing,
And I actually feel kind of glad…
I think they would like to be friends with me,
But its too late guys,
I’m friends with Tree.
Tree is pretty picky when it comes to being friends
Which is why I feel so special to be on the receiving end
There is a window in the office where you can look out and see,
Tree standing on the sidewalk, peacefully
So Tree and I wave to each other all day long
I like to do that when the day is going wrong.
When my boss tells me to do work I don’t want to do
Tree waves to cheer me up and helps to get me through
Some days it works
And some days it does not.
But that’s not important,
It’s the thought that counts.
– Movement Two-
I say “Hi” to Tree first thing in the morning
And “Bye” to Tree when I leave for the day.
And though our time apart is important, I know
I wish I could spend all my time with my bro.
But if I spend all my time with my friend Tree,
Then what stories would Tree have to tell me?
And what stories would I even have to tell Tree?
Tree’s stories are nothing short of great,
He tells them in a way, that anyone can relate,
Once Tree told a tale of a squirrel,
A squirrel that would and could not leave
A squirrel that stayed well past it’s time,
Like a never-ending New Year’s Eve.
The squirrel would not leave my friend Tree alone.
Tree tried everything, EVERYTHING!
Short of course of throwing stone.
Tree’s descriptions made me laugh
How he’d use branches as bats
Throwing pinecones and leaves
And swaying aggressively in the breeze.
This image made me laugh,
The thought of Tree and Squirrel locked in battle
Tree did not see what was funny though,
And reprimanded my lighthearted manner
But Squirrel would not leave.
And finally Tree just accepted,
Be living with Tree,
For all the rest,
And Tree got used to Squirrel being there.
Tree actually grew to like Squirrel’s fuzzy hair.
Squirrel’s presence was welcome and comforting too
Tree was comfortable with whatever Squirrel wanted to do
Then one day Squirrel just stopped hanging with Tree
Sometimes it’s our love that causes our closest to flee
Tree was sad that day
And I was sad for Tree
But we have each other and that’s something, you see
I’ll never leave Tree
And I won’t love him too much
So he won’t ever get,
Tired of me
Because it’s hard to make friends.
But it’s even harder to make friends,
When you’ve lost your best friend.
So you see,
Me and Tree,
Are best buds for life,
When it’s legalized,
To be Tree’s lawfully wedded wife
Our vows will be simple
Our ceremony Grand
And our friendship will be known
Through immortal words,
Across this great land:
When the road looks rough ahead
And you’re miles and you’re miles from your nice warm bed
Just remember what your old pal said,
You got a friend in Tree
Oh you got a friend in Tree.
The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!