Trump’s First 100 Days: An Alternative Look Back
April 26, 2017

The first 100 days of any administration has always been a random, arbitrary mile marker for the U.S. president’s since Franklin Roosevelt hit the ground running (so to speak). Well, let’s give a side glance to the early days of the Trump Administration: 

The oath of office was made with his right hand on a copy of “The Art of the Deal.”

A huge sigh of relief when he got get beyond the “I, Donald J. Trump” part of the oath of office.

The first recorded use of the word “bigly” in an inauguration speech.

The commission of the coal-powered Air Force One.

Executive order cancelling Taco Tuesdays.  However, “Wednesday is Sundae” was expanded into Thursday.

Presidential Limousine replaced with Presidential R train to Trump Tower.

Exiting Administration officials required to sign Non-Disclosure Agreements but did receive both exciting parting gifts and shots.

Botox and spray tan now covered by the ACA.

Fracking in the Rose Garden.

Annual White House Christmas card to be rated PG-13.

White House chef replaced by the Burger King.

Annual Easter Egg Roll featured heavily guarded gold eggs.

Presidential pole to be installed in Lincoln Bedroom.

Supreme Court cases now televised every weekday afternoon for a half hour, followed in most areas by ELLEN.

Attempt to replace Obamacare with Trumpcare.  Basically the same, except everyone would have gotten a lollipop.

The annual tradition of pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving will be replaced with auction of turkeys to Swanson.

Blocked Obama on Twitter.

Congressional filibusters replaced with “Hunger Games”-style showdowns.

Discovery of Donald’s long-lost, goofy half-brother.

So much gold leafing.

State dinners replaced with a Drive-Thru window.

He’ll have had his name on more stuff before becoming president than after.

Every day now “Bring Your Daughter to Work” Day.

Golf outings until you’re sick of golf outings.  So many golf outings.

Press conferences will consist of Trump choosing questioners by tossing lawn darts at them.

A steady production of red baseball caps.

All his copies of Playboy are now eligible to be included in the Library of Congress.

A Fox News Reality show spinoff.

Presidential Cabinet replaced with Steel Cage.

The State of the Union Address will now be on a 10 second delay.

An undefined and looming sense of doom…



The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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