As of 2018, The Higgs Weldon has been up and running for 5 years. To celebrate, we are re-publishing some of our favorite pieces from over the years for the entire month of January. This article was originally published on July 12, 2016.

(over solemn, stirring music from an earlier era)

In going to Burger King, one is not simply choosing a meal at Burger King. Rather, one is saying something about his or her place in America.

You see, when, as an American, one steps up to the front of that line and a cashier says, “Welcome to Burger King,” it is an invitation, and not just an invitation to eat at BK, but, more so, an invitation to an experience, a truly quintessential American experience.

To get more to the point, it is the Whopper and its many varieties that is truly the bedrock of Burger King — it is upon that foundation, the foundation of the Whopper, from which so much about what it means to be an American is evoked. Whether it’s the flame-broiled patty, the crisp lettuce or the sliced onion that you like, it’s still the slice of cheese — the slice of American cheese — that one, whether he or she knows it, most associates with the Whopper.  

And, perhaps what is most enduring about the spirit of the Whopper is the Whopper Jr. Here, you have the Whopper passing on its ideals and values to a new generation of hamburgers. And what could me more American than that?


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


facebookfooter twitterfooter tumblrfooter rssfooter

Sign up for our monthly email list!