Ways to Skin a Cat
By
March 4, 2015

Cut off its skin with a knife.

Cut off its skin with two knives (one in each hand).

Cut off its skin with a potato peeler (NOT the preferred option).

Wait backstage at a production of the musical Cats. Skin a member of the cast. This is a good starter skinning before you try to skin an actual cat.

Buy the cat’s skin off its back. Works best if you are an obnoxiously wealthy person and the cat is at rock bottom.

Steal a cat’s skin from its locker at the gym.

Become an expert sleight-of-hand magician. Approach a cat on the street and distract him with quick banter and rapid hand movements. Swap his skin with your skin and walk away before he notices.

Transfer to a cat high school. Become the coolest dude around. Start a fad among the popular crowd and get everyone to skin themselves. Sit back and watch the skins roll in.

Go to Cabo during spring break. Find a cat sitting by itself at a popular tourist bar. Strike up a conversation and ply the cat with drinks. When it passes out, take the cat back to your hotel room and remove its skin. The cat will regain consciousness the next day in a bathtub full of ice, skinless. The cat will never be the same.

Very carefully! Haha! But seriously it is a horrifyingly messy job.

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please enjoy our jokes!


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