Law And Order: SVU has always been about 3 things: the investigation, the prosecution, and hands-on tile installation (duh). In order to restore my favorite series into what made the show popular to begin with, I focused only on existing footage of Detective Elliot Stabler grouting ceramic floor and wall tiles.

I worked two years on this 113-minute film, painstakingly selecting the scenes which best captured the detective rolling up his sleeves and spreading a half gallon of grout on a kitchen backsplash. The Vimeo link is on the bottom, titled “Law And Order: Re-Ordered”, and if you like my fan edit, please show your support and donate to my GoFundMe!

Here are some of the changes included in this slimmed-down version:

Most courtroom scenes were removed, except for that one where the detective politely asks Judge Ridenour if he could leave the trial early to go grout tile.

Elliot’s partner Olivia Benson appears briefly to apply sealant applicator while he caulks the baseboards.

Most of the audio is crossfaded to cover up any cuts between scenes where Detective Stabler meticulously mixes grout with a polymer additive to help resist mold growth.

That beloved scene where Detective Stabler questions Gustav at Home Depot over the advantage of a rubber grout float over a hand trowel is shortened for better pacing.    

The investigation of sexually based offenses is completely gone.

I also removed any scene where Elliot attempts to re-stain the kitchen cabinets a dark walnut without stripping the existing finish. I know, I know, I just think that the storyline completely misses the point of Law And Order: SVU, which is really about Elliot’s struggle to vacuum the grout lines and wipe off the excess grout with a damp sponge. 

It’s a long movie, so get a comfy chair, your favorite drink, and enjoy Law And Order the way it was meant to be watched! :)



The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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