William_Howard_Taft_1909bI took to the streets and interviewed a handful of people to get their stories on where they were and what went through their minds when the shocking news broke that William Howard Taft got stuck in a bathtub. Here are some of their responses: 


“Um, I don’t think I was alive? Wasn’t he president like 100 years ago?” 


“I don’t know? I’m pretty sure that was before my time.”

“That was 100 years ago. I wasn’t born yet.” 


“I wasn’t alive then.”

“Who is that again?”

 “I’m not going to smell your William Howard Taft t-shirt.”

“Why are you asking me this question?”

“Stop chasing me with your microphone. I don’t know how to answer your question.”

“Leave my dog alone.”

“Stop chasing my dog with your microphone. He doesn’t how to answer your question.”

“Ruff! Ruff!” 

“Can you give us our basketball back? We don’t know who William Howard Taft is.”

“Sir, you are talking to a tree.”

“You’re scaring the kids in the neighborhood.”

 “We were told there was a disturbance in this area and you seem to be the guy with William Howard Taft face-paint on that everyone is referring to.”

“Please stop crying, sir.”

“We are not going to arrest you. It doesn’t look like there is much of a situation here.”

“No, sir. The neighborhood does not hate you or William Howard Taft.” 

“I’m sure there are people that like you and William Howard Taft.”

“Yeah, I’m sure William Howard Taft would have been your friend.”

“Yeah, I guess, he would have been your best friend.”

“Um. Sure. If he was stuck in a bathtub, I guess, he would have called you first, since you would have been his best friend.” 

“Yeah, I mean, if we’re going with this storyline, then, yes, if he was stuck in a bathtub, he would have called you first, but you would have been stuck in a bathtub too.” 

“Yeah, that’s pretty funny, sir. Yeah, if that were true, that would have been a pretty funny story.” 

“Okay, well, it looks like everything is fine, here. Is there anything else you need?” 

“I think there’s a Dairy Queen two blocks away.”

“No, they probably don’t take William Howard Taft collectible coins.”

“Or t-shirts.”

“No, we don’t want to smell your William Howard Taft t-shirt.”


The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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