What I’ve made for you guys today is a stir fried tilapia with a jalapeño gastrique and several almonds for texture.

So what I made for you guys is a graham cracker encrusted rib eye, paired with sautéed fingerling potatoes which were cooked in the marrow bones of my childhood dog Rusty.

What I went ahead and made for you guys today is a seared scallop ragout, topped with teriyaki infused chestnuts, garnished with a couple of ritz crackers.

Okay so what I made for you guys is a deconstructed spaghetti bolognese, the noodles are infused with a mango hash and the meatballs are actually a Costco sample.

What you have before you is a pan roasted, herb, butter, rosemary, thyme, paprika, clove, cinnamon and sea salted chicken on a bed of deeply fried asparagus with a gentle dusting of an entire lemon for acidity.

What you’re looking at and what I’ve made for you today is a smoked salmon crepe, finished with a black truffle tapenade with a side of three live lobsters.  

What I’ve made for you guys is a spinach alfredo jambalaya with roasted red peppers and a side of McDonalds french fries for nostalgia.

What I’ve prepared for you guys are some fresh water oysters with a smoked mozzarella fondue topped with some basil leaves as well as some sycamore leaves for décor.

What I have for you today are hand churned brussel sprouts, coated in a butter and almond glaze topped with a red snapper topped with a fresh water trout topped with a streak of marinara sauce.

What I’ve made for you guys is a gourmet peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the peanut butter is actually a chive and basil hummus and the jelly is squeezed from the inside of a jelly donut which I made from scratch using the leftover batter from a birthday cake I made myself for a party no one showed up to. 



The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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