[Note: Story takes place between the events of Avengers Vs. X-Men and Brian Michael Bendis’s current run on All New X-Men, continuity for the Death of Wolverine miniseries is being ignored]

Wolverine walked into the store. He wasn’t there on accident. He was there for a reason. He wanted to buy groceries. Wolverine walked to the back of the store where they keep the milk. He opened the sliding door, which fogged up upon being exposed to the relatively warm air of the supermarket. Suddenly his senses tingled.

His senses tingled like crazy.

He did a backflip over the aisle of dried noodle packets (ramen and such) and his claws came out lickety split. Suddenly Sabertooth came into the store and started going insane on all the customers. He was going from guy to guy, going crazy on each guy for a little bit then moving on to the next one.

Wolverine ran up to Sabertooth and stabbed him with his left claw.

“OUCH,” Sabertooth cried.

“Fuck you!” said Wolverine. Then he back flipped out of the store.

As he ran full speed down the sidewalks of New York City, he heard police sirens pulling up to the store to investigate the scene.

“Idiots,” thought Wolverine, “I fucking hate cops.”

As he was running down the street he happened to pass by an old spooky looking doorway. The cops were probably looking for him so he smashed the spooky door into a million pieces and stepped inside.

The inside of the building was even spookier than the door. There were old chains hanging from the ceiling and a super old burned looking wooden chair in the corner surrounded by candles.

There was also a ghost.

“Jesus Christ!” Wolverine hollered.

“Whoa chill out dude!” the ghost cooed.

Wolverine was confused. “Are you a cool ghost?” he asked.

“Uh huh!”

The next thing Wolverine knew he was sitting in the spooky chair telling the ghost all his problems. Soon there was a knock at the door. It was a big boy Gambit. [TO BE CONTINUED]


The Higgs Weldon is an online humor magazine with funny articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was founded in the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes!


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