You Think You’ve Got It Hard? Meet the 3-Legged-Dog I Sent To Buy Me Beer
By
February 17, 2017

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We’ve all fallen on hard times, but through our toughest days, it’s important to remember that someone out there is going through trials we can’t even imagine. 

Take Max, the 9-year-old Golden Retriever I’m fostering while he recovers from a tragic car accident that took one of his legs and the lives of both his owners. Sounds like enough for one dog, right? Wrong. Because I just asked to go to the store and purchase me a 24 pack of “the cheapest thing they got.”

Wow. What a reminder that you truly never know what someone’s been through. Or where they’re going.

Max’s owners, Terry and Paul Cransdale, rescued Max when he was a three-month-old pup, and he was inseparable from the loving couple until their devastating accident three months ago. Whether or not Max comprehends the notions of death or its permanence, he’s clearly affected by the absence. He eats less, moves slower, and has trouble sleeping for more than 15 minutes at a time. 

On top of it all, I’m now requesting that he take my 1997 Camry (which has 194,000 miles on it; also, he is a dog) 2.6 miles to The Liquor Barn in order to purchase beer that I do not intend to share with him. Sometimes, it feels like life sets impossible tasks for its least deserving creatures.

Despite the gut-wrenching hand Max has been dealt, there’s a silver lining in this golden-coated pup: determination. Even in the absence of his former owners, Max’s vet has reported that his weekly physical therapy is progressing rapidly, and that Max will be living comfortably on three legs in no time. 

It is this very determination that I challenged by giving Max printed out MapQuest directions in order to help him find the Liquor Barn. This added insult to Max’s literal injury as it is cognitively impossible for a dog to read (And even if Max’s canine brain worked out a way to process the symbols on the page, MapQuest is easily the weakest of all digital map providers).

So the next time the going gets tough for you, think about everything that Max has overcome, and remember that I haven’t even told him that The Liquor Barn closes in nineteen minutes. 

 

 
 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please read and enjoy our jokes! 


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