Your Favorite TV Shows As I Understand Them
By
March 2, 2015

My name is Finn Straley. I grew up without television. I’m not trying to brag, that’s just what happened. We had a television, but we didn’t have television. We didn’t have cable or even any of the basic channels. This means I didn’t see a lot of the same shows as other people. I still heard people talk a lot about those shows, even though I never actually saw them. As far as I can tell, here is what those shows are about.

Boy Meets World

So there is a little kid, and he grows up all the way through college. He has the same teacher forever, who I think is played by the guy who played Thomas Jefferson in the musical version of 1776. He has a girlfriend, but not the same one the entire time. Maybe he does? I think this show basically Boyhood?

Full House

Bob Saget plays a dad in this show, but his wife is dead. Then some crazy people move in and make life crazy. Honestly this show sounds very sad to me, I know it is supposed to be a comedy but the premise bums me out a lot.

Gilmore Girls

There is a mom and her daughter, but the mom is super young. Not as young as her daughter obviously, but young enough for people to always be like, “what I didn’t think you had a daughter.” She and her daughter talk super fast and she likes a guy from a coffee shop. They talk about Bjork at some point? I feel the fact that they talk about Bjork becomes important to the series. Oh and Melissa McCarthy is in it.

Recess

I have no idea what this show is about. There’s a bunch of kids and they take recess I guess? One of them is a tall and skinny girl who wears a denim vest? I could be making that up I honestly have no idea.

Saved by the Bell

Okay I’m not going to lie, I kind of think that this is the exact same show as Boy Meets World. Except that I think a character is named Zach and there’s also a cool guy and also a guy who is a loser named Screetch. Screetch is very famous; he’s like a white Urkle and he made a sex tape and people thought that was crazy.

Friends

I actually saw an episode of Friends once at a hotel. I remember thinking the jokes were sort of homophobic. Then later I saw another episode and it had Paul Rudd in it! Nobody ever told me Paul Rudd was in this show! I liked that part. Other things I know about Friends are that there is a dumb actor guy and a dumb lady, and Ross and Rachel have a baby I think (spoiler?).

The Drew Carey Show

OKAY I HAVE SEEN EVERY EPISODE OF THE DREW CAREY SHOW BECAUSE MY GRANDPA TAPED IT FOR ME AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH. RYAN STILES IS A GENIUS AND DIEDRICH BADER RULES EVEN THOUGH HE HAS A WEIRD NAME. EVEN MIMI WAS GREAT I FORGET THE NAME OF THAT ACRESS BUT SHE WAS GREAT. CLEVELAND ROCKS! HEY REMEMBER THAT CRAIG FERGUSON WAS IN THIS SHOW ALSO? THE DREW CAREY SHOW IS STILL UNAVAILABLE IN ITS ENTIRETY ON DVD.

PS. BONUS FACT HERE IS AN EXCERPT FROM THE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE ON THE DREW CAREY SHOW’S FIRST SEASON:

“Nine of the episode titles were related to chemistry in some way, with names such as ‘The Joining of Two Unlike Elements is a Mixture’ and ‘Isomers Have Distinct Characteristics.’ However, this theme was abandoned by the end of the season.”

 

The Higgs Weldon is a humor website with funny stories, articles, cartoons, and one liners. It was started by the Los Angeles stand-up comedy community, but takes submissions from everybody. Please enjoy our jokes!


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