Passive Aggressive Math Teacher
By
May 1, 2014

Alright, okay, settle down. I graded last week’s tests and they were, well, not what I was expecting, so we’re going to do some review today. Billy, why don’t you come up to the board here? Write the problem on the board, and then your answer.

Number one: What is thirteen minus six? Okay. Okay, sure, it could be nine. Why wouldn’t it be? Maybe your parents have been working with you at home on the new math they learned in grade school. Or, maybe you just wrote that to hurt me. That’s okay. Just as long as we both know that you know the real answer.

Sandra, why don’t you come up here and do problem number two? Eleven minus four. Oh fantastic, you’ve written four again. And it IS four, give or take another three. And I just want you to know, Sandra, that it’s completely a coincidence that everyone in the class except you just got three points of extra credit.

Okay, for problem number three, let’s have five people come up, and we’re going to have a little contest. Good, good, one more. One more person please…oh. I see what you’re doing. Okay. Well, the “five” of you are going to answer a problem that was on the test we took. Chalk ready? What is twentythree minus thirteen? Randy has an answer, but it’s still anyone’s game. Lauren’s done. Kirby, okay. Tim, you need to write something, a number, the answer. And you all have different answers, I see.

That’s okay, because everyone’s right. We’re all winners. At least if we average your answers as a class, you’re close to the number I have here in my answer key. I guess it’s my fault for thinking you might want to learn to subtract. It’s only a skill you’ll use every day for the rest of your lives. But if you don’t want to learn it, that’s fine. You just go ahead and don’t-learn me into an early grave…

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