The Higgs Weldon
Dante’s Inferno According To Technology Use
March 26, 2015

1. Limbo - This is where grandparents reside. They were around before technology really came into existence, therefore they’re stuck in state of confusion and constant questioning.

2. Lust - Anybody who currently uses Tinder. These souls are glued into a chair looking at a slideshow of photos they would’ve swiped left for the rest of eternity.

3. Gluttony - This is where you will find people whose cell phone battery dips below 75% before getting out of bed in the morning. Their souls are cast away in a room that has no outlets in which they can recharge their phones.

4. Greed - Those people with more than two devices on their person at any time. They are forced to stand in front an electronic store that is having a “going out of business” sale for all of eternity—without being able to buy anything. (more…)

Zach’s Monthly Tech Roundup
March 25, 2015

Hey folks. If you’re anything like me, you love to stay on top of the newest tech trends. Well look no further than Zach’s Monthly Tech Roundup for all the latest and greatest in the tech world. Let’s see what we have this month:

1. Gay-dar


Once a dream only James Bond could enjoy, Gay-dars have become commercially available in the last few years! Curious about a co-worker/friend/family member? Not anymore! Pop on the Gay-dar, stare down your target, and within seconds you’ll know which team they’re playing for! Some people may say that this is an “invasion of privacy” and “none of your business.” Tell them to shut up and talk to the ‘Dar! (more…)

Dad, I’m Sorry I Didn’t Get Around to Playing Catch with You After You Came Back as a Ghost to This Baseball Diamond I Built on a Cornfield
March 24, 2015

Look, Dad, I know you have to disappear back into the corn, but I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know you came all this way to play catch, and I really wanted it to happen, too. I just, well, the time got away from me is all.

Did you ever have, like, that one really important thing you needed to do on a particular day, and you think about it all day, constantly, because you absolutely cannot forget to do that one thing? It gets to be a mantra, just repeating that task to yourself all day long that eventually it just fades away as background noise, and ironically, the thing you told yourself to do a thousand times slips your mind and you totally forget to do it. (more…)

25 Things You Don’t Know About Me
March 23, 2015
Laurie and Greg Will Never be Proud of You
5 Hallmark Cards From Your Grandfather
Dental X-Ray of a Cold War Russian Super Spy
St. Patrick’s Day Got the Best of Me Again
My March Sadness Bracket
Temporary Assignment Details
Sexy Pikachu’s Livejournal, Part 2
What to Expect from Kanye’s Kraft Singles Karaoke Party
Clickbait for Accountants
I’m Just Waiting for the Perfect Chance to Fight You Under a Rainbow
Earth on Heaven
Sexy Pikachu’s Livejournal, Part 1
Ways to Skin a Cat
Farewell from a Charter School Kindergarten Teacher
Your Favorite TV Shows As I Understand Them

Cause of death: “didn’t want to bother anyone”

Paige Weldon

“Mark my words little lamb, one day there’ll be a song about us, and that song will be used teach children how to play the recorder.” –Mary

Joseph Larrea

Once upon a time, on this magical land where we live, dinosaurs walked the earth and James Franco wasn’t so weird.

Leah Knauer

Want to be our best friend?
Donate to The HW!

Life with Luchy
by Lucia Fasano


with Allegra Ringo


Man of Letters
by Raj Desai


Just Joshin’ You
by Josh Edelman


Songs are Sad and Unacceptable
by Rob Schultz


Little Known Facts
About Alaska
by Finn Straley



Scientific Fiction
by Ivan Hernandez


Kokkinos Has Spoke-inos
by Asterios Kokkinos


If It Had Been Me
by Miles K


by Devin Field


Higgin’ with Mr. Robin
by Robin Higgins


by Tony Alfieri


Foreign Correspondent
by Mark Mitchell


Paige’s Guide to the Galaxy
by Paige Weldon


Hangin’ in There
by Tim Vargulish


facebookfooter twitterfooter tumblrfooter rssfooter

Sign up for our monthly email list!