The Higgs Weldon
Unpopular Creatures from Greek Mythology – Best of the Higgs Weldon
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January 22, 2018

As of 2018, The Higgs Weldon has been up and running for 5 years. To celebrate, we are re-publishing some of our favorite pieces from over the years for the entire month of January. This article was originally published on September 1, 2014.

Chimera 2

Chimera 2

With a goat’s body, a ram’s head, and the tail of a sheep this crazy concoction of a monster will keep even the most avid Greek mythology fans in awe!

This creature was believed to be created by the Nymph Nephele, the same Nymph who created the Golden Ram. Although most people believe this creature is mythological, next time you’re close to a ram, take a closer look. Maybe you’ll find that its tail is oddly similar to a sheep’s tail! (more…)

Who Put This Boulder in the Middle of the God Damn Office? – Best of the Higgs Weldon
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January 19, 2018

As of 2018, The Higgs Weldon has been up and running for 5 years. To celebrate, we are re-publishing some of our favorite pieces from over the years for the entire month of January. This article was originally published on March 29, 2016.

Can someone come get this? Is someone on this? Whose boulder is this? Where is Building Services?

Who did this? Margret? Taylor? Danny! Danny, was this you? Is this your boulder, Danny? Where the hell is Danny? Someone go find Danny! 

Can I get a status update on Building Services? What’s their ETA? We’ve got to find a way to get this damn boulder out of here! 

How are we supposed to get any work done with a hulking boulder just sitting right there! I mean, can someone answer that? We’re just supposed to work around an offensive boulder all day? I mean son of a gun, have you ever tried to get any work done with a boulder right there? I mean come on, right? (more…)

Wine Eleven: Minstrel’s Pallor Farms Sauvignon Blanc – Best of the Higgs Weldon
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January 18, 2018

As of 2018, The Higgs Weldon has been up and running for 5 years. To celebrate, we are re-publishing some of our favorite pieces from over the years for the entire month of January. This article was originally published on January 18, 2016.

Follow the wine. I heard a really smelly man say that at a bus stop, and it’s always stuck with me, indeed even to the point where I selected wine reviewing as my career. And it’s why I don’t think of my job as critical in nature–I like to think of myself as an explorer. I knew I was in uncharted territory the moment I stepped foot in the office of my first job as a resident wine reviewer in Dyersburg, TN. The Dyersburg Note was looking for new blood, and in 1991, after my pig heart transplant, my blood had never been newer. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing in the office or out. Weekends at the batting cages, mornings where I was already at my desk before I realized I was still wearing my evening cape from the night before, Sunday brunches in the woods behind the batting cages. In those days I was haughty like many art-minded youth. Where some reviewers might spit out a mouthful of vino when they get a read on it, I would insist on drinking the entire bottle in one long drag. I was young, dumb, and full of pride at the idea of being the world’s greatest wine reviewer.

And it remained my first job for almost 24 years, until I was very suddenly approached by Security Tony and asked to gather my things and make my way out of the building. Seriously, I was just sitting there, cleaning my gun, and Security Tony comes up looking apologetic with an empty cardboard box in his hand. Fucking golem; he’s definitely “on the spectrum.” Now I’m reviewing wines for The Higgs Weldon, a comedy website. Needless to say, things aren’t going very well for me. But wine remains a passion, and reviewing wine my calling. I am not lost in the new frontier–I AM the frontier. Or something. King of the Frontier. (more…)

The Higgs Weldon Live at UCB Sunset
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January 17, 2018

We’re back! Get tickets to our January 29 show at UCB Sunset!

Jokes For Children (Not Really) Part 1 – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Three Brief Tales of Love – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Some Lesser-Known In-N-Out Secret Menu Items – Best of the Higgs Weldon
A Birthday Email From Mom – Best of the Higgs Weldon
5 Restroom Attendants Who Kept Their Cool While Handing Paper Towels To B-List Celebrities – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Message in a Bottle – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Little Known Facts About Alaska: DISPATCHES FROM THE FROZEN NORTH! – Best of the Higgs Weldon
5 Dumb Questions for Norm Macdonald – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Life, Love and Other Mysteries: The Past – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Voice-Over from a Burger King Whopper Ad Made by Ken Burns – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Ad Campaigns For Adult Dodgeball – Best of the Higgs Weldon
Fun with Mad Libs! Jezebel Article Edition – Best of the Higgs Weldon
IMDB Pages By Your Mom – Best of the Higgs Weldon
All The Star Wars Movies, Rated From Best To Worst
I Think My Therapist Is a Drunk

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