December 6, 2013
ATTN: Field Agent
If you are reading this then you know that yet another holiday season has come and sadly our foe still stands. As valiant as our soldiers were last year, as hard as we struggled, we have yet to bring down Christmas. Already this year we’ve taken many casualties. Black Friday is not inaccurately named. While you will be briefed on your specific mission of [MESSAGE REDACTED], the following are to be considered general assignments for all agents in the field to carry out whenever the opportunity arises.
- First and foremost, be sure to consistently greet any and all persons you encounter with the phrase “Happy Holidays.” It is absolutely imperative that you never once say the name of our foe, even if you feel you can manage to convey that you are saying it as “X-Mas.” This is the bare minimum that we expect out of all of our agents. We have had some reports that several of you have increased the impact by saying alternate phrases such as “Happy Hanukah.” (more…)