The Higgs Weldon
Adult Dr. Bronner’s
June 29, 2016

1466900847_Beauty-79We all know about Dr. Bronner’s amazing 18-in-1 certified fair trade soap. Well, the Dr. has been at work on a new formula and it’s finally available. This new concoction, Adult Dr. Bronner’s, is made from 200 herbs, vitamins, minerals and supplements. Just like the original, it’s fully organic, vegan, and fair trade. The original Dr. Bronner’s was a miracle cleaner, but the new Adult Dr. Bronner’s is everything the modern adult needs to have adult fun.  

Adult Dr. Bronner’s (ADB) new eight-in-one formula provides everything necessary for progressive, environmentally-conscious adults to have fun. (more…)

I Could Be Wrong Here, But Is This Stakeout Really Necessary?
June 28, 2016

I apologize if I’m out of line at all, but this is all starting to seem very unproductive.  

I know I’m just a rookie, and maybe my understanding of stakeouts is limited, but literally nothing has happened for almost 32 hours.  

That just doesn’t seem right to me.

Also, we’ve been sitting in this unventilated van for a long time and I think the heat and those plastic bottles are starting to have an unfavorable reaction with all that urine and it’s starting to smell sour.  (more…)

4 Hilarious Football Player Fails
June 27, 2016

Football: America’s greatest sport. Every fall, our best athletes trot out onto the gridiron for 6 months of intense and violent battle. We now know that the effects of constant head injuries are leading to degenerative brain diseases later in life for many football players. But critics who want to focus on that sad reality are missing out on some hilarious moments on the field.



LOL! You’re on the wrong side of the ball, guy! Don’t feel bad for him, though! He most likely won’t remember this, meaning we don’t have to feel bad for enjoying this MAJOR FAIL! (more…)

I Have Nothing to Say About Your Baby
June 24, 2016

Oh, hey! Wow! It’s so funny I ran into you! Is that your baby? It’s…small!

It has all of its arms and legs.

In fact, it looks like it has all of the things it’s supposed to. Great!

Although I can’t tell about the toes, because it’s wearing booties. But I bet they’re there, right? All the toes? Did you count them? I knew it!

It definitely has some human DNA. It takes after a person!

You must be so proud to have made it or borrowed it for today. Congratulations!

Have you given it a name? Perhaps a number or character string? I’m sure it’s adorable or questionable. (more…)

9 Signs That You Are an Introvert (Who Is Very Adamant About Gaining Access to Military Grade Weapons)
Rock N Roll Universe
I Leaned in So Hard I Fell into a Different Dimension
(no subject)
How You’re Going to Die, According to Your Favorite ‘90s Comedy
My Blog Is Tanking – Can I Borrow Your Baby?
My Dad
A Review of God’s New Late Night Talk Show in The Heaven Times
I’m Sorry to Hear She Left You, but Put Something Good On
Stevie Wonder is Deaf
Letter to the District
Some Things I Feel Entitled to as a Millennial
Dear Handsome Lumberjack Oregonian/Possible Subletter
Some Things You Gotta Do When You Meet the Love of Your Life
Book Title Outtakes

Hey where do you get one of those “I Voted” stickers?

Miles K

Everyone keeps saying “you just need to find a nice boy” but this Where’s Waldo book is really hard.

Rob Verdino

Keep this quiet please. The only people that know are you, my parents, and all of my creative nonfiction class.

Adam Rotstein

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