1. Limbo - This is where grandparents reside. They were around before technology really came into existence, therefore they’re stuck in state of confusion and constant questioning.
2. Lust - Anybody who currently uses Tinder. These souls are glued into a chair looking at a slideshow of photos they would’ve swiped left for the rest of eternity.
3. Gluttony - This is where you will find people whose cell phone battery dips below 75% before getting out of bed in the morning. Their souls are cast away in a room that has no outlets in which they can recharge their phones.
4. Greed - Those people with more than two devices on their person at any time. They are forced to stand in front an electronic store that is having a “going out of business” sale for all of eternity—without being able to buy anything. (more…)Zach’s Monthly Tech Roundup
Hey folks. If you’re anything like me, you love to stay on top of the newest tech trends. Well look no further than Zach’s Monthly Tech Roundup for all the latest and greatest in the tech world. Let’s see what we have this month:
Once a dream only James Bond could enjoy, Gay-dars have become commercially available in the last few years! Curious about a co-worker/friend/family member? Not anymore! Pop on the Gay-dar, stare down your target, and within seconds you’ll know which team they’re playing for! Some people may say that this is an “invasion of privacy” and “none of your business.” Tell them to shut up and talk to the ‘Dar! (more…)Dad, I’m Sorry I Didn’t Get Around to Playing Catch with You After You Came Back as a Ghost to This Baseball Diamond I Built on a Cornfield
Look, Dad, I know you have to disappear back into the corn, but I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I know you came all this way to play catch, and I really wanted it to happen, too. I just, well, the time got away from me is all.
Did you ever have, like, that one really important thing you needed to do on a particular day, and you think about it all day, constantly, because you absolutely cannot forget to do that one thing? It gets to be a mantra, just repeating that task to yourself all day long that eventually it just fades away as background noise, and ironically, the thing you told yourself to do a thousand times slips your mind and you totally forget to do it. (more…)25 Things You Don’t Know About Me
Cause of death: “didn’t want to bother anyone”
“Mark my words little lamb, one day there’ll be a song about us, and that song will be used teach children how to play the recorder.” –Mary
Once upon a time, on this magical land where we live, dinosaurs walked the earth and James Franco wasn’t so weird.