The Higgs Weldon
Which is the Real Laffy Taffy Punchline?
By
August 20, 2014

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Which is the Real Laffy Taffy Joke?

Which Laffy Taffy Punchline is the real one?

Memo to City Employees
By
August 19, 2014

MEMO

To: City Employees
From: Jim Daniels, Department of City Planning
Date: August 19, 2014
Subject: Overly casual behavior of city employees

It has come to my attention that things are getting way too casual in this city, particularly in regard to certain individuals’ interactions with unemployed citizens. Overly casual interactions may lead to negative effects on the overall behavioral health of our city employers and employees. Below is a transcript from the Department of Behavioral Health’s Secret Observer Report. Please read the transcript carefully, and note that the city employee involved in the exchange is currently under investigation for acting way too casual during her lunch break. Spontaneity has a time and place, so let’s make a goal this quarter to be less casual and more business casual. (more…)

Monthly Newsletter for Paige Weldon Subscribers
By
August 18, 2014

Happy August, subscribers! Here’s all the latest Paige Weldon news, delivered straight to you.

Top Stories this Month

Moved to a New Apartment
You’ll have to come visit sometime! Yeah, we’ll totally figure something out soon.

Got a New Job
Ask me about it! Really let our conversation fizzle.

Almost Fell in Love
Jk, love is for the weak.

Left a Sandwich in My Car for Nine Days
Details available to Premium Subscribers.  (more…)

Notice from the Mayor’s Office
By
August 15, 2014

Dear citizens,

We can all recognize that the job market is not easy for fresh college graduates these days. Even with degrees, these young, motivated people are finding it extremely difficult to find work once they enter the real world. It doesn’t help that many of these kids are graduating with “completely useless” majors that “have no real world application in any way that can make them money,” as some older people have been heard angrily muttering outside the corner store. Fixing this system may be a long and arduous process on a national scale, but we thought that perhaps this humble city could help our own young with a new program designed to find a place for their degrees in real world professions. As I am sure you have noticed, there have been some issues with the program that have affected us all. Everything did not go exactly as planned, and we here at city hall would like to explain exactly what’s been going on.

Our attempt to employ modern interpretive dance students as traffic cops was a disaster. We see now in hindsight, that by virtue of their “craft,” they are actively opposed to doing motions that we have been predetermined for them. (more…)

Ellen’s Selfless Act
Catchphrases
Different Paths
Clickbait Pornography
A Proposal for Rosetta Stone
Get to Know a Champion, with Ron Babcock
The Classic Story: Boy Meets Girl (Who is Friends with Marissa)
Robot Celebrities
An Insurance Claim Letter Addressed to a Traveling Salesman
The Higgs Weldon Live: August 2!
Which Dog Loves America Most?
8 Upcoming Superhero Prequel Shows We’re Really Excited About
Worst Ways to Act Casually
A Sexy Sacrifice for a Serious Drought
Diseases Defined

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