By Ron Babcock

Ron Babcock is an LA-based writer and comic. Sometimes he likes to make up conversations about weird pictures he finds on the Internet. For example…

Dad: Kids, put on your hockey gear. It’s time to take family photos.

Kids: Nooooo.

Dad: Don’t even start. I’ve already hung a sheet up in the garage and your mom put on her hockey pants.

Kids: But we don’t want tooooo.

Dad: Your mother is pregnant. Do you know how hard it is for her to put on hockey pants? It’s like trying to squeeze toothpaste back in the tube. (more…)

By Andre Parker

Prison can be a rough place. Oftentimes it’s very difficult for newcomers to make friends. It’s hard enough getting a hello from someone, let alone getting them to make eye contact with you without some sort of evil intent behind it.

That’s why I’ve volunteered to take time out of my twenty-year stretch to teach you all about the most played social game in the clink… SPADES! Spades was invented in the early 1930s as a way to manipulate trust while also utilizing the buddy system. In the old days of prison if you were bored and lonely you would try to escape or simply kill yourself… but that was before Spades came along and made life in prison a billion times more fun! (more…)

By Chase Bernstein

The following post is a submission from our April 2013 monthly writing prompt, Haikus About Television. To view our current monthly writing prompt, click here.

Top Chef
Spices run wild
A filet is born to die
Ma’am please pass the salt

Friends
Oh Ross and Rachel
Love streaks the New York skyline
We’ll all be dead soon  (more…)

By Margaret Özemet

Friends, family and recent acquaintances of Luke Skywalker, I address you today with a heavy heart and a dark force of sadness surrounding me. Dear Luke, why did you have to be called home so soon? Though our time together was brief, the wound you leave in our hearts will last forever.

You called to us from your glimmering tank at Petco just a scant two weeks ago. There you were with thousands of matching genetics yet somehow you, yes you, Luke Skywalker, were the one that made his way into that magical net that would deposit you in the plastic baggie that would transport you home. Together with your comrades Darth and Jar-Jar you made the treacherous journey home via Hyundai in the arms of an excited five-year-old. You bravely accepted the repeated love jiggles he thrust upon your transport baggie and braced yourself each time his giant eyeball peered into the side of your temporary home. You, Luke Skywalker, were a very brave fish. (more…)

By Samii Ruddy

Paternamatch – Set users up on dates with their parents.

Cloud Revolution – Ponzi scheme that lured investors in the mid-2000s by just repeating the word “cloud.”

Unizip – Was like Zipcar but with unicycles. Went bankrupt because unicycles are “not a practical mode of transportation.”

Pinkstarter – Spraypainted clients’ names on things in pink. Owners arrested for vandalism and cocaine trafficking. (more…)