Ben and May. Before their nephew Peter Parker comes to live with them and is subsequently bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes Spider-Man, Ben and May Parker live out a quiet existence in their New York City apartment. (Spider-Man will not appear in Ben and May.)
The Ocean. Before Aquaman shows up to communicate with fish, the ocean is just a place where fish hang out and sometimes get eaten by sharks. (Aquaman will not appear in The Ocean.)
The Incredible Bruce. Before the radiation tests that got out of control and transformed him into the Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner is just a regular scientist working on wacky, wacky experiments! (Hulk no appear in Incredible Bruce.) (more…)
Flip a coin over and over again while hyperventilating.
High-five anything that moves.
Insist people call you “Nonchalanto Laidbackawitz.”
Wink at parked cars.
Introduce yourself, then vomit.
Sweet shades, hands in pockets, scream at your therapist for not “fixing you.” (more…)A Sexy Sacrifice for a Serious Drought
California is currently experiencing a very serious drought. State officials have asked citizens to make small changes in their daily lives to conserve water, such as watering your lawn less, which, let’s face it, is a way rich and braggy people can help out, but what about everyone else? Let’s all go one step further and skip Shower Sex.
No more Shower Sex? I know. It’s a crazy proposition. I realize how important Shower Sex is (I capitalized it as a proper noun, didn’t I?) but hear me out. The environment, wildlife, and the future of my unborn child–who is going to become a mechanical engineer prodigy at age eleven so Mama can retire early–depends on it.
The only way we are going to get through this drought is if we are willing to make some significant sacrifices, and I‘m not talking about bathing your dog less frequently, which by the way, who gives a shit if your pit bull smells like his own feces for an extra day? (And that goes for you, too, Pitbull the rapper.) (more…)The Higgs Weldon Live: August 2!
This Saturday! We will have games, cookies, buttons, zines and of course, spectacular unbelievable amazing incredible live comedy!
More details here!Diseases Defined
Bikers are just vacationers with attitude.
Primary ingredients in FunYuns: 1) salt 2) not-onions 3) regret
Dunkin Donuts is actually just the result of Duncan Doughnuts’ mid-life crisis.