The Higgs Weldon
A Letter from the President of the Wenatchee Yachting Club to a Delinquent Member, Who Is a Baby
September 12, 2014

Dear Augustus Philippians III,

It has come to the attention of our board of directors that you have been remiss in paying your dues as of November 28th of last year. As your membership to our club began on that date, and according to our records, the same date also happens to mark the day of your birth, our chief accountant has deduced that you have not paid any relevant fees to the Wenatchee Yacht Club ever, in your entire life.

Needless to say, this comes as a great shock to us. Many people questioned our initial decision to allow an infant child into the ranks of our illustrious society, but to them we said: who better than an infant to learn the ancient and luxurious art of yachting? Do we not all return to a childlike state when behind the helm of a mighty sea craft? Are we not all, in some ways, infants driving boats? (more…)

Get to Know a Champion with David Lynch
By and
September 11, 2014

Each month, five Higgs Weldon writers take the stage at the Neon Venus Art Theater in sunny Hollywood, California. Each month, one comes out on top. This time, that person was David Lynch. Incidentally, Devin Field is a columnist for the Higgs Weldon, and has competed three times.

First, how does it feel to be champion? How heavy is the crown?

I prefer to think of myself as more of a shadow dancer than a champion. The crown is not very heavy because it is made of plastic. It is a fake crown.

What was your favorite game this month, and why?

I liked the game with all of the TV theme songs because I got to express myself through song. Specifically the theme song from Friends. (more…)

How I Would’ve Done It: Star Trek Edition
September 10, 2014

Hello all!

I am here today with the second edition of How I Would’ve Done It.

For any of you who are unfamiliar with How I Would’ve Done It, please keep reading. I copy and pasted the first two paragraphs from the original article:

Hello, my name is Adam Allgood and I love to watch movies. We all love to watch movies. Hell, you tell me you don’t love movies, I’ll slap you where you stand and call you a liar! Kidding ;-)

Sometimes I watch a fantastic movie and think to myself, “Holey moley, that scene was amazing, but if I were sitting in that director’s chair, I would have done that part a little differently.” Rather than keep my musings to myself, I’ve written out Adam’s Alternate Scenes aka How I Would’ve Done It. That’s right, I’m flippin’ the script. (more…)

Adventures in Shopping at the Larkspur Country Mart
September 9, 2014

Hey Bobbadoll,

Everything in Larkspur is going well! Yes, I am still here. My visit was postponed because of an I.D. thingy, so I had to extend my stay. The good news about my plans being changed has definitely been the Larkspur Country Mart. It is an absolute 10 10 10. Just like the Brentwood Country Mart only there is a Soul Cycle AND a 24 Hour Fitness (memberships to both). Plus also there is a far superior gourmet cafe known as Rustic Bakery, the likes of which Brentwood, truth be told, has never even challenged. Unbridled Quality. Farm to Table. Stumptown Coffee. A Ham and Cheese Focaccia Strata to die… Needless to say, I am eating almost every meal at Rustic Bakery and shopping a lot even by my own high standards. I won’t go into the drool-worthy details on the exact offerings (surprises when I return) but they are all carrying brand names you would approve of. I certainly have approved of them. Oh yes! Haha. (more…)

Red Carpet Recap: A Tribute to Joan Rivers
The Higgs Weldon Live: Sept. 6!
Pistachio vs. City Councilman Paul Koretz
Why the Chicken Crossed the Road
Asterios Kokkinos’ 2014 Top Fantasy Football Picks!
The Tale of Robin Hood Reading Ayn Rand
Rejected Theme Park Rides
Unpopular Creatures from Greek Mythology
Tropical Jokes
New Cat Videos
Christian Pick-up Lines
Before I Invent My Own Island on Wikipedia
Life, Love & Other Mysteries: The Past
Which Dog is Hotter?
NSA University Alumni News

facebookfooter twitterfooter tumblrfooter rssfooter

Sign up for our monthly email list!