Firstly I want to say how much I love you and our relationship which has developed into you being a dominant and me being a submissive. It’s made me feel closer to you than I ever have before, and I want to keep exploring our relationship in these roles. That being said, I think our safe word might be a little too long.
I understand that safe words shouldn’t be something you could accidentally say. They should be something you very consciously have to choose to say, but “otorhinolaryngologist” is not working for me. I can barely get the word out before my testicles are twisted four times over, your heel pressing into them. I honestly don’t even really know how to say it, and you’re no help with that either. You act like it’s not a hard word to grasp. (more…)A Taxonomy of Common Birds of Los Angeles, Objectively Ranked from Best to Worst According to My Personal Preferences
AKA Chubby lil Chirp Chirps
Add a real ambience to brunch
Reaction if one landed on your person: Feel like a Disney princess
Huggability rating: 9
AKA Duck Boats
Float like boats, don’t absorb water like boats, love breadcrumbs like boats, quack like boats
Sometimes they look like they’re in little couples on little lake dates (more…)
After deliberating for months and considering this issue for years, The World Genie Council (hereinafter “WGC”) has decided that heretofore genies will no longer accept a request for additional wishes as a valid wish for one or more of the three originally granted wishes. That is, no one who is granted three wishes by a genie can use one or more of those three wishes to wish for more wishes.
After empirically studying the data as well as gathering centuries of anecdotal evidence, it has become clear that the most common first wish for a wishee is for mass sums of money, the most common second wish is to have sex with someone very attractive and often famous and the third most common wish is for some number of more wishes, usually a million more wishes and often a gajillion more wishes or infinity more wishes. The WGC is not making this up. There is plenty of data to support the above contention. In fact, the second most common first wish is for additional wishes. (more…)The Higgs Weldon Live: August Edition
Our live show returns Saturday, August 1 at the Neon Venus Art Theater! Come check out some hot new comedy bits from some of your favorite Higgs Weldon writers…
With hosts Robin Higgins & Paige Weldon
Saturday, August 1 at 9:30pm
7023 Melrose Ave. Los Angeles, CA
See you there!Ice Cream Flavors for Zombies
I trust medical professionals by the number of Mercedes in their patient parking lot.
We built this city on rock ‘n’ roll. And then sang a song about it that was decidedly not rock ‘n’ roll.
You’ll All Be Sorry Once This Katana I Bought from Ebay Arrives: A Novel