The Higgs Weldon
Let’s Give Those Bastards A Reason For The Season
By
November 17, 2017
 
All right men. You know it, I know it, so let’s stop pretending. The reinforcements we were promised aren’t coming. Just got the final confirmation from central command. 
 
Billy, please don’t cry Billy. I know you’re tired. I know you’re homesick. I know you just want to be able to celebrate Halloween without panic-sweating at the mention of “Nightmare before Christmas”. It seemed so harmless at first, just a weird one-off holiday crossover for awkward emo kids, buoyed by an improbably strong Danny Elfman score. How could we know that that was the beginning of the end?
 
We were so young then. (more…)
Bluff Your Way Through the Catalan Crisis Using Settlers of Catan
By
November 16, 2017

Tired of being accused of living in a hipster bubble? Weary of having to argue that American Studies was, too, a “real” major? Confused about what stand to take on Catalan secession? Need some help so you don’t appear completely clueless?

Good news! At this week’s “Brews and Boards” game night, you can show everyone how internationally aware you are with the new Settlers of Catalonia game! This Catalan expansion pack will bring the conflict to life even if you don’t understand the issues. Best of all, it’s almost identical to the original board game, allowing you to feign interest in the separatist movement while still dominating the competition with your usual Catan-winning strategies. (more…)

Your Favorite, Adorable Showbiz Dogs Were All Probably Racist
By and
November 15, 2017

I think we can all agree there’s nothing cuter than a fluffy little doggy doing its doggy thing in movies/TV, and that there’s nothing uglier than the foul stench of racism in which we judge human beings by the color of their skin and not the content of their character. But what if those very doggies were very racist? So, we did some digging and you’ll never believe the bigoted bones buried deep in pop culture’s backyard.   (more…)

Where Are They Now: Wilson The Volleyball From Castaway
By
November 14, 2017

Recently, I sat down with Wilson The Volleyball to talk about his acting career post-Castaway. Here’s a transcript of our conversation which touches on the difficulties of maintaining a Hollywood career while being typecast: 

—–

 
Me: So, where are you now?
 
Wilson: Well, I’ve been doing work here and there.
 
Me: Oh really, what have you popped up in?
 
Wilson: I did some background work in NBC’s Superstore.  I was in a scene that took place in a sporting good aisle. (more…)
Moments Where People Would Have Died If They Weren’t Saved By A Bear Attack
A Letter To The Woman In Whose Body I’ve Lived in For 38 Years, From Her Period
The Beginning is Nigh
Scarlett O’Hara’s Lost Reviews of Antebellum Subscription Boxes
GoFundMe To Save My Daughter From The Snake Pit
Things That Should Learn English Or Leave This Country
Maybe Another Time
Equifax FAQs
Gary’s Easy 10 Step Guide to Home Ownership for Women
Application by Pyongyang for the New Amazon Headquarters
It’s Not You, It’s Your Content
4 Fall Sweaters That Say: I Settled!
You Call This An Estate Sale and Yet You’re Not Even Dead
So, You’re Sexually Attracted To Chester Cheetah
The Munsters (2018) – A Reboot of The Munsters

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